Ricky the Wannabe

Several years ago a friend asked me not to sing too loud in our small group meeting. He was a friend and he was caring for me and everyone else in the group. He said I threw everyone off, because I sang too loud and offbeat.

Here are two questions for you:

1. How would you assess my problem?
2. Is it a character issue or a capacity issue?

William the Mute

William rarely talks to his wife. However, the other day she noted that he talked for two hours with his neighbor about their favorite NFL team. She originally thought William was a mute, but now she is thinking his “mute-ness” is not as universal as she originally thought. Is William’s problem a character issue or a capacity issue?

Sarah the Whiney

Nearly every time you talk to Sarah, she is a whiney, mousey sounding kind of person. That is why when Sally was scrapbooking with Sarah last week that she was shocked. Sarah was cheerful, motivated, encouraging, and a delight to be around. Does Sarah have a character issue or a capacity issue?

Wally the Wimp

Phyllis was complaining about her husband, Wally, because she doesn’t think he is gifted in the area of leadership. Phyllis compares Wally to her best friend’s husband. However, Wally loves God and is seeking to serve him with all his soul, mind, heart, and strength. Does Wally have a capacity issue or a character issue?

Answers to the Character/Capacity Tension

• Ricky can’t sing. It’s a capacity issue.
• William is angry with his wife. It’s a character issue.
• Sarah is self-focused. It’s a character issue.
• Wally loves God and is trying, but within his ability. It’s a capacity issue.

People are gifted in different ways. Some people only have a 45mph fast ball and it does not matter how much you coach them up, 45mph is all they have. They will never throw harder than 45mph. Every issue in counseling is not necessarily a sin issue that calls for repentance. The widow lady in the Gospels could not give any more than her two, puny, copper coins. Her limited capacity brought instantaneous and immeasurable pleasure to the Savior.

However, there are other times when the issue is not so much about capacity as it is about character. When it is a capacity issue,  there is little hope for change, but when it is a character issue, there is much hope for change. You can’t repent of capacity issues, but you can repent of character issues. The former needs more grace and encouragement, while the latter needs a call to repentance.

Knowing the difference is essential. This is where the counselor needs to not only be careful to ask the right questions, but to really listen and to discern what he is hearing. With the right questions, it should be obvious that William is not a universal mute. He can talk. He needs to repent. On the other hand, I could take voice lessons, but truthfully, I might be wiser to put my energy, time and money into another pursuit.

Paul gave us a good word on how to respond to different kinds of people…

And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. – 1 Thess. 5:14

Read this article on How to Assess a Husband.

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Which is better? (A) Modeling Christ before you teach Christ? (B) Teaching Christ, but not modeling Christ? (C) Not modeling Christ or teaching Christ?

I’m assuming the answer is obvious to all. Letter “A” would be the right example for all who name the name of Christ. However, I have found it easier from time to time to teach Christ rather than model Christ. For instance, a few weeks ago I was hollering at my son, telling him to quit hollering at his sisters. In the moment I realized I was teaching him a very good principle, but I was not modeling it before him.

Here’s the principle:

Modeling must precede our teaching if we really want our teaching to have a full and right impact on those we are teaching.

Character does matter! It is important that we are attempting to live out what we expect others to do. There have been many times in my counseling career where the Spirit of God has sweetly reminded me while I was counseling another about how to live, that I might ought to consider applying my wonderful counseling to my own life.

And on many occasions I’ve come home from the office with confession and repentance on my mind as I’ve had to repent of personal sin against my wife that God reminded me of while I was instructing my clients on how to live.

This is the kindness of God, btw.

Sometimes I think it would be better for a dad not to teach his children at all if he isn’t going to try live out the teaching. I’ve encountered many embittered and rebellious teens over the years who have been instructed to the 10th power on how to live, but their dads have been negligent in living out the Christ-life themselves. It has had a detrimental effect on the kid.

I think it is true: a picture is worth a thousand words.

My friends, let’s do what we need to do to ramp up our modeling. A feeble attempt to model Christ before our friends will go a long way in enhancing the teaching we are trying to teach.

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