I was meeting with a group of friends recently and someone in the group said that they had a friend “venting” to them. I asked my friend what did that mean? What biblical category can I put “venting” in? Another said, in a tongue-in-cheek kind of way, “I think she is talking about a dryer vent.” That was humorous and because we were a group of friends no one was offended and we laughed.

However, another humbly said, “What do you mean biblical categories?” Now, that was very transparent and humble. I suggested to her and the group that when we are confronted with a situation and are not sure how to respond in the moment one of the first things you want to do is filter the situation through a biblical grid. If you do that, then most of the time you’re going to know how to respond.

Let me illustrate!

My friend said she was in a situation where someone was venting. Because she interpreted the situation as “venting” her response was something like this:

1. Oh my, I’m sorry for you. I feel for you that this is happening.
2. Then she took up an offense for her friend, which meant she was offended for “what others had done to her friend.”
3. Then she began to spread gossip. She was venting also. (I say this in a tongue-in-cheek way also, but it is sinfully serious.)
4. Her friend was not biblically loved or walked through his sin.

Let’s suppose her friend came to her and said the same things, but she filtered it through a biblical grid. This time she would not hear her friend “playing the victim card” as much as hearing her friend suffering, but sinning. These are two strong and biblical categories that require a response.

He was biblically suffering, angry, gossiping and slandering others. Because she was processing his “pain” differently, she could actually serve him biblically rather than “enable” him, which only causes more division in the local church.

It would look something like this:

1. Oh my, I feel so sad and sorrowful for you. I want to pray for you. I’m grateful you would feel comfortable enough to share with me. That speaks much of your trust for me. It would be a joy to care for you in this moment.
2. Can I ask you a question?
3. It sounds to me, though I could be wrong, that you are not only hurting, which I understand, but you’re sinning as well. If I’m hearing you correctly you are slandering, gossiping and you seem angry. Is that right? Am I missing something?

And in that moment, because she is filtering the situation through a biblical grid, she could care for her friend in his suffering, but also loving confront him in his sin, which is another way she can care for him.

(Please note the above illustrations are in a blog post format. The conversation would be much longer and more caring and less harsh if she were to find herself in this moment and had the opportunity to serve her friend.)

How we listen will radically alter how we respond. Think and respond in biblical categories and in most cases you will know how to respond and care for others.