The general rule-of-thumb is that the sphere of confession should be as big as the sphere of sin. This means you confess your sin to those you have sinned against, but not to those you have not sinned against.
Father First; People Second
As you know, all sin is a sin against God, hence all sin is confessed to God. Before you confess your sin to others, you go to your Father. The first order of business, regarding repentance, is to make things right with God. This, unfortunately, is forgotten more often than you might think.
For example, many times when we sin against another, we may be quick to apologize, repent, or confess to the human we offended, but we never go back and reconcile the relationship with God. We apologize to others, but we do not take the time to confess our sin to God.
All confession of sin begins at the throne of God. He is the one always sinned against when sin happens. However, at times we may also sin against others in addition to our heavenly Father. Remember, the sphere of confession is as large as the sphere of offense. If you have sinned against others, in addition to God, you should go to them to seek their forgiveness.
What About Private Sins?
Though you may not have sinned against another person, it is wise to let at least one other person into your secret temptations and sins. One of the main temptations with sin is to hide it or cover it up. Letting others into your world, though you have not sinned against them, is wise. It is unwise to blabber your sin issues to anyone and everyone, but it is just as unwise to keep your struggles completely to yourself.
Typically, the person with whom you share your temptations should be your spouse. Your spouse should be your best friend. If your spouse is not your best friend, you need to do some work on your marriage, so that he/she becomes your best friend.
Caveat – Though it is wise to share your temptations with your spouse, it is not wise to share the specifics of your temptations, particularly if it is in the area of lust. For example, a man’s wife should know that he is tempted toward lust, but it would not be wise to reveal to her every specific temptation with which he is struggling.
My wife is well aware that I am tempted to lust. Her awareness and grace-filled, God-centeredness helps to guard my heart. She knows that God has wired me to be attracted by the physicality of a woman. She also has a robust understanding of the doctrine of sin and, therefore, knows that sin has distorted this good thing that God has done for men.
My wife, fortunately, is grounded in God, and her temptations toward fear and jealousy are brought under the power, submission, and grace of God. This is huge and makes it easier for me to share when there are inappropriate situations.
There have been many situations where we have been with other women who revealed their cleavage and other body parts. The grace of God is so active in my wife’s life that I can talk to her about this. If she does not recognize the problem of immodesty, which is rare, I can talk to her about it. In some of these situations, she has had the opportunity to approach these ladies about their revealing, provocative, and/or inappropriate dress.
I thank God that I can not only go to my wife with my private struggles, but also that she is grace-filled enough to understand it and can truly complement her husband.
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George came in for counseling because his wife caught him looking at porn on the Internet. Initially George denied that he was looking at porn, though the history record on his computer revealed hundreds of porn links. George and Shari live alone and no one but George accesses his desktop computer.
