Mailbag: In your last post on biblical decision making you said that I could not get out of my decision to be married? Did I hear you right, as in once married, always married to the same person? Does this apply to any decision I make? I mean, once I make a decision in faith am I bound to stick with that decision?

This is an excellent and discerning question. Fortunately the answer is not that complicated. Here are two simple truths that can guide you regarding your questions:

1. You stay with your decision if it is a biblical one.
2. It’s okay to change your mind as long as your new decision is biblically better and biblically permitted, because of new information that you didn’t have when you made the initial decision.

Here are three examples that will help unpack your question a bit further. The first example deals with your marriage question, while the other two examples pertain to being forever bound to any decision you make.

Example #1: You can change your mind if you stay within biblical bounds

To get married is a biblical, God-honoring decision, but there are three ways in which you can “change your mind” about being married. Death is the one “change” that you have no control over. The other two options that allow you to change your mind are abandonment and adultery as spelled out in 1 Corinthians 7 and Matthew 19. However, just because you may have biblical permission to leave your marriage, it does not mean you should leave your marriage.

Though Matthew 19 and 1 Corinthians 7 are part of God’s infallible Word, the greater point of God’s entire Word is reconciliation. From Genesis to Revelation, the purpose of God’s Word is God reconciling himself to man. Just because you may have an “out” it does not mean you have to take it. Nevertheless, under these three stipulations outlined in God’s Word, you can change your mind about your marriage.

Example #2: You can change your mind if you are in sin

If you choose to commit adultery for example, then to change your mind is not only preferable, but expected. In such a case you made a decision to sin and at some point afterwards you came to another (biblical) decision. You now have new information and this new information you believe is better than the past information. In such a case, you change your mind and begin living according to the new information.

Example #3: You can change your mind if there is new and better information

We make all kinds of decisions throughout our life. Typically, at the time we make a decision, it is made based on the information we possess. Later, based on new information we have or different circumstances, we decide that another course of action is the best course to take. Maybe you have received new or better counsel. Maybe there is new information and now you have come to a different awareness.

It may not have been sin to make the first decision, as opposed to example #2 above, but now you realize it would be better to change your mind. In such cases, it is not sin to change your mind. Though you were in faith before, you are no longer in faith to stay in the same place. You change your mind and move forward in a different direction, in faith.

Sanctification is Progressive

Changing our mind is part of our progressive sanctification. There are many things that I believed were right when God first regenerated me, but I have come to a different place in my faith today. For example, I’ve changed my mind on the type of bible I read, the clothes I wear, the music I listen to and the places I go. There are many more areas where I have changed my mind. Hopefully, this is what we call Christian maturity.

Other Related Articles

• The Most Important Question to Ask When Making a Decision – 1.0
• What Do You Cling to When Your Marriage Falls Apart? – 2.0
• Why is the Faith Question the Most Important Question to Ask When Making a Decision? – 3.0
• None of Us Have to Be Mr. Perfect Regarding Our Faith. It’s Okay – 4.0
• I Think I Married the Wrong Person – 5.0
• Are you saying I can never change my mind? – 6.0
• How do I go about making a decision – 7.0
• What are some pitfalls when making a decision – 8.0

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If God’s grace is sufficient, which it is. If God is able to change me, which He is. If the Spirit can empower me to change, which He can. If God’s Word is sufficient, which it is. Then the big question is…

Why do I not change for my betterment and His glory? …if God is for me?

Any discipler who has discipled for any length of time has asked this question. Let’s be more specific: when I don’t change for the better, my wife has to ask this question: why not?

As we filter this question through the lens of Scripture we come up with at least two answers:

1. I am not a believer! – this is the obvious answer, but one that we might not assume to be an issue, particularly if you live in a Christian culture or the person you are serving is “christianized” or comes from a Christian family. And sometimes we ask the question, “Are you a Christian?” and get the expected positive response and quickly move on. Then when counseling bogs down we can forget to go back to this very important and foundational question to any counseling. A person’s salvation needs to be unpacked, not in a suspicious or condemning way, but in a caring and wise way. If God’s grace is sufficient then change should take place. And if change is not taking place in a person’s life then don’t dismiss the salvation question. Love them enough to ask them.
2. I have a specific sin (or sins) in my life! I’m stuck in some sin issue or pattern. I believe myself to be a Christian. I don’t struggle with the faith issue as it pertains to God regenerating me. However, I do have sin patterns as well as sinful episodes that repeat from time to time. And when I’m stuck on “no change” then I have to examine my heart to see what sinful morsel I’m still holding onto. It is there most certainly. I just need to be honest and humble enough to admit it. Additionally, there have been times where I have been frustrated because I can’t move forward due to the blinding strength of my sin. In those moments I need a friend to come alongside me and tell me the truth. Sometimes sin can lure us into blindness by our own volition.

It is rare for a person to come to me ready, willing and able to change. Being stuck is usually the reason they come to me in the first place. They are stuck and aren’t moving forward. In such cases I have to be courageous, full of grace and willing to unpack my friend, from my subjective perspective, to see if we can get to the bottom of their relationship with God and/or the subtleties of lingering sin.

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