Shari is a bitter and insecure lady. Her life has gone from one broken relationship to another. Five years ago she met Kennon and had a world-wind dating relationship. They were impure in their relationship, but rationalized what they were doing by hastily marrying. Though friends had reservations about Kennon and Shari getting married, no one spoke into their lives because the couple kept themselves at arm’s length from helpful, caring relationships.
Their marriage was doomed from the beginning. Shari’s criticalness and insecurity fed into Kennon’s own cravings for respect and affirmation. After four years of marriage, Kennon began a flirtatious relationship with a woman at work. Within six months Kennon was involved in full-blown adultery.
Kennon’s sins are numerous and he is fully responsible for how he has chosen to sin against God and his wife. Through counseling he has admitted his numerous sins and has repented. Currently he is seeking to walk out his repentance by addressing his own sin issues that predate his relationship with Shari, as well as the numerous sins he has committed in their marriage.
His humility and repentance have been inspiring to others.
Shari, on the other hand, is not repentant at all. She is angry, accusative, and divisive. The anger toward and the hurt from Kennon blinds her to how she has been an “accomplice” in his sin. The spear she has been sharpening for years is now stabbing her in the heart.
Shari has a nagging, critical, and condemning tongue. Her own craving for approval and acceptance chokes the life out of her relationships. No one, not even Kennon, can endure a relationship with her. Unfortunately, she cannot see how her attitude has helped push her husband out the door and into the arms of another woman. Eventually, she pushes everyone away from her.
No one familiar with this story condones what Kennon has done, but it is quite obvious to all that it took two to destroy the marriage. Unfortunately the pain that Shari now feels was, in part, self-afflicted.
This is one of the hardest counseling situations to counsel: a person who has been hurt by another’s legitimate sinfulness, but yet has contributed in real, sinful ways to her current chaos. The pain which she feels blinds her to her own role in destroying the marriage.
Application Questions:
- How would you counsel Shari?
- How would you counsel Kennon?
- Ask a trusted friend how you are perceived: are you generally considered an encourager or not? Ask your spouse, children, parents, and friends to “grade your tongue.”
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