Lucia is a wife and a mother, in that order. We have never gotten those two important roles reversed. She was a wife before she was a mother and Lord willing, long after the kids are gone, she will continue to be a wife. While neither one of us disparage, make light of, or marginalize the incredible privilege of being a mother, we want to make sure that we both understand that being a wife is the higher privilege.

• The husband and wife relationship was the first human community ever formed. (Genesis 2:18)
• The husband and wife relationship is a picture of Jesus Christ and His Church. (Ephesians 5:32)
• The husband and wife relationship is not two people, but one flesh. (Ephesians 5:29)
• Children are encouraged to leave their parents to form their own autonomous, domestic, empire, while the husband and the wife are exhorted to stay together until death. (Genesis 2:24-25; Ephesians 5:31)

Some Helpful & General Marriage Advice

Husbands, be sure your children know the difference between your wife and their mother. When my children sin against their mother, they automatically know that they have sinned against my wife. And there is a difference between sinning against their mother and my wife. To sin against their mother is one thing, but to sin against my wife is to sin against me because Lucia and I are one flesh. And when they sin against us, they are sinning against God.

• Husband, how are you at protecting your wife?
• Do you allow your children to continue to sin against you by sinning against your wife?
• Does your wife feel and experience this elevated level of protection and care?

Husbands, how do you see your wife? Do you see her more as a mother or as a wife? Listen to what Peter said in his first letter,

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. – 1 Peter 3:7 (ESV)

Peter changes the playing field: how you live with your wife will determine how you relate to God. If you model this passage of Scripture in your marriage, then your interaction with God will be unimpeded. However, to devalue your relationship with your wife will inevitably and inalterably lead to divine repercussions.

She is a Stradivarius

Wikipedia described a Stradivarius violin this way,

A Stradivarius is a violin or other stringed instrument built by a member of the Stradivari family, particularly Antonio Stradivari. According to their reputation, the quality of their sound has defied attempts to explain or reproduce. The name “Stradivarius” has also become a superlative applied to designate excellence. To be called “the Stradivari” of any field is to be deemed the finest there is.

Now let’s take the definition for one of the finest musical instruments known to man and define a wife similarly.

A wife is built and called by God. According to His reputation, the quality of her role and who He joins her to has defied attempts to explain or reproduce. The name “Wife” has become a superlative applied to designate excellence. To be called “a wife” is to be deemed the finest there is.

• Husband, do you see your wife as your most cherished possession, outside of Christ?
• Ask her today to share with you how she experiences your honoring of her.
• If your children are old enough, ask them their interpretation of 1 Peter 3:7 as it pertains to your marriage.

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Fifty years ago today mom brought me into the world. On May 5, 1959 she went to death’s door for me! Outside of Christ dying on the Cross this is the greatest gift of sacrifice I have ever known. Mom giving birth to me was an act of selfless sacrifice.

I cannot imagine what it took for her to do this for me. If you are a mom, you know. I don’t. With Mother’s Day coming up this coming Sunday and today being my birthday I wanted to share with you about the most sacrificial person I have ever met.

My mom.

I suppose when most Christians share about their mother they tell about how their mom spoke godly truths into their lives or modeled a godly example. From my perspective as a kid, I would not say this. My mother made many mistakes. She launched out into life and life hit her square between the eyes. Her failures far exceeded her successes. In that way, she is like me. I have failed more than I have succeeded.

Yes, she did dress us up each Sunday morning and took us to the local church meeting. We also did Vacation Bible School during the summer. Other than that, God was not part of our practical lives. Once we were school-age, we participated in Little League Baseball and Boy Scouts. We did these things until each one of us were about twelve.

Mom came from a dysfunctional home. She married when she was 15 years old. My dad was eighteen. They went back to their parent’s homes and didn’t tell anyone for a couple of months that they were married. Three years later she begged my dad not to go into a local convenience store to buy alcohol. He did not listen and died a drunk at forty-two. I was 19 at the time.

She pleaded many times with my older brother to turn his life around, to stop drinking alcohol and smoking weed. He went to prison as a 17-year old kid and was released the third time at thirty-one. He never listened to her and she buried him just before his 32nd birthday. He was murdered.

She tried to talk to her second son about some of the awful decisions he was making. At 18 he went to prison.  Similar to my older brother, he would not listen and she buried him just after his 40th birthday, ten years after her oldest son was buried. He was murdered. His wife shot him five times during an argument.

Mother had five boys in seven years. We were mean, rebellious and fully immersed in the hippy generation of the sixties and seventies. I went to jail when I was fifteen. She told me recently about the time she dragged me out of the boys restroom at our local high school, during a Friday night football game. I was passed out, drunk. With help from friends, she brought me home, put me in the bathtub and let me sleep in my vomit.

You can read that post: Is There Hope For My Kid here.

My mother worked multiple jobs on multiple shifts all her life. She provided for a drunk and five rebellious boys. She has seen more fear, pain and regret than any person I know. She just celebrated her 71st birthday. She laughs a lot and continues to go to the church meeting each Sunday. My mom is a survivor!

I became a Professional Christian Counselor. Sometimes someone says to me that I can’t understand what they have gone through because, from their perspective, I “look like” a Christian. I am a clean cut kind of guy with a beautiful family. My past cannot be visibly discerned and life not only appears to be good for me, it is good. They have no clue. I call mom and tell her what they said. She doubles over in laughter. I laugh too.

She is an amazing testimony to the incredible grace of God to me. She is my hero!

In Terry Lindvall’s book, Surprised By Laughter, The Comic Genius of C. S. Lewis, he wrote these words. They remind me of my mother:

Laughter is a divine gift to the human who is humble. A proud man cannot laugh because he must watch his dignity; he cannot give himself over to the rocking and rolling of his belly. But a poor and happy man laughs heartily because he gives no serious attention to his ego. . . . Only the truly humble belong to this kingdom of divine laughter. . . Humor and humility should keep good company. Self deprecating humor can be a healthy reminder that we are not the center of the universe, that humility is our proper posture before our fellow humans as well as before almighty God. . . .

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Carolyn Mahaney recently posted on her Girl Talk Blog a very helpful article on the tensions and toils of the wife laboring in the home. She points out that it is okay for the woman not to excel in everything she does. She further points out that the wife and mother should NOT feel as though there is a competition to be the best cook, the best seamstress or the best storyteller to her kids.

She quotes G. K. Chesterton from his book The Emancipation of Domesticity who said,

“Women were not kept at home in order to keep them narrow; on the contrary, they were kept at home in order to keep them broad”

Carolyn’s aim is to encourage our ladies on the broader aims of God and the robustness of being domestic for the glory of God.

You can read the full article HERE.

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