I began this series by asking “What is the Most Important Question You Can Ask When Making a Decision?” That post led to several follow-up posts about biblical decision making. (See links below.)
The most important question that can be asked when making a decision is are you in faith to move forward with your decision?
A Case Study: Marriage Gone Awry
Many times in my counseling career folks have come to me questioning whether they made the right decision when they got married. They thought they were in love. They believed it was the right thing to do. They were in faith; so they got married. But things have gone awry and their faith for the marriage is now languishing.
At other times there have been situations where two people were married, but they did not have the best motives for getting married. Now, fifteen years later, they are convinced they made a bad decision on their wedding day, so they are asking why should they stay married.
These questions are more common than you might imagine. Typically when the above scenarios are fully unpacked there are two primary issues that have to be resolved.
- A Truncated View of the Sovereignty of God
- A Selfish Desire to Escape God’s Work in Your LIfe
A Truncated View of the Sovereignty of God
There is no way to know God’s will with absolute certainty when you look into your future. God does not give us future information about our lives. James 4:13-15 teaches us to say that if it is the Lord’s will, we shall do this or that. Therefore, the best we can do is move forward by faith.
Additionally, it is not unusual to get into a “future situation” only to find that the circumstances have taken a turn for the worse. The story of Joseph in the OT is a very real reminder of a person whose future was strewn with difficulty. But he understood that God was working a plan for the good of many. (Gen. 50:20)
In some marriage situations, the marriage has gone bad, though the person thought it was a good idea in the beginning. In other situations there is the person who was never in true faith to get married, but did it anyway and is now contemplating ending the marriage. In either case, God speaks to these bad marriages in two clear ways.
Option #1 – Ultimately you cannot do anything outside of God’s decreed will. God can stop you if he wanted to. We may make our plans, but God is the one who orders our steps. (Pro. 16:9) Even when we screw-up, God can be glorified through our finite planning. Most certainly, it is not all about us. God can use sin sinlessly and though your choice to marry was not done with the purest motives, God still guides, either by allowing, hindering, or stopping the marriage. And since he did not stop it and you are married, now it’s time to trust him and his purposes for you life, rather than seeking to end what he has allowed.
Option #2 – God only gives three clear ways to end a marriage: death, adultery, and abandonment. This does not mean, however, you should end the marriage in the case of adultery or abandonment, though it is a biblical option. See Matthew 19 & 1 Corinthians 7.
Trust God. Rest in him. He is working perfectly even when we are not. Faith or no faith, then or now, for our marriage is not a biblical option for you to end your marriage.
A Selfish Desire to Escape God’s Work in Your Life
Somebody, somehow, and at some level is being selfish in the marriage. It is probably both people. If the desire to get married was a selfish one, then it would not be a surprise that the desire for divorce is selfish as well. The better approach would be to work on the issues related to the selfishness rather than looking for an escape clause to get out of the marriage.
If you are selfish now, divorce will not rectify the real problem. My recommendation would be to get some help for yourself and fight for your marriage. Your wisdom may be finite and you’re not fully comfortable with where you are in your marriage or who you have married, but let me exhort you to rest in one who is not finite and is able to lead where you are blind. Though it may seem this marriage was meant for evil, I can tell you that God means it for good. Honor your covenant.
It will take some work to get there, but it is worth it.
Other Related Articles
- The Most Important Question to Ask When Making a Decision – 1.0
- What Do You Cling to When Your Marriage Falls Apart? – 2.0
- Why is the Faith Question the Most Important Question to Ask When Making a Decision? – 3.0
- None of Us Have to Be Mr. Perfect Regarding Our Faith. It’s Okay – 4.0
- I Think I Married the Wrong Person – 5.0
- Are you saying I can never change my mind? – 6.0
- How do I go about making a decision – 7.0
- What are some pitfalls when making a decision – 8.0
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