Guard Your Heart From…

Trying to make the perfect decision – Some people can be so measured, calculating, and fearful that they cannot make a decision. Typically these are self-righteous people who want to look perfect in front of others. They do not want to make a mistake. Caution is good, but paralysis is not.

Impulsiveness – The other side of “paralysis” is the self-sufficient person, who devalues the community and the other means of grace that God has given to help guide him. Decisions that really matter should be influenced by others.

Asking those who typically agree with you - You may be tempted to ask those who either always agree with you or do not have the grace to disagree with you. A true friend will tell you what you might not want to hear. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, profuse are the kisses of an enemy. (Pro. 27:6) Don’t surround yourself with “yes men.”

Being offended – It is a definite sign of Christian maturity to receive correction with grace. Too many times the focus becomes on how the correction came or the parts of the correction that was wrong rather than the 10% of the correction or difference of opinion that was right. We can become so focused on being right that we miss God’s correction through the imperfect people who bring the correction. Read this about those who are only partly right.

Telling people what you are going to do and then asking for their thoughts – There have been a few times in my life where someone has come to me and told me what he had planned. Then he asked me what I thought about it. The following are some sample scenarios of “counseling after the fact.”

Hey Rick, we just put our house on the market and we’re moving to Vermont. What do you think?

I just gave my boss a two week notice. Do you think that was a good idea?

Yesterday, I borrowed a thousand bucks for our family vacation. Do you think that was wise?

Don’t do this to your friends. This puts them in an awkward position. Most of the time, particularly if I don’t know them well, I won’t tell them what I think. Not only does it not make any difference, but they are not seeking my counsel. They are telling me what they have done rather than asking me what I think about what they want to do.

Remember the “V”

This is similar to the last point, but teased out a bit differently. In preaching parlance, this is called “He had a topic that was in search of a text.” I use the illustration of a “V” when making this point. The “V” has a point at the bottom and leads to broad and open-ended possibilities. If you flip the “V” over, then you have a definite point at the top with no other options.

I have seen many people, including me, over the years flip the “V” upside down and through hell or high water they are going to get to their predetermined destination. Many times young men who want to go into the ministry make this mistake. They are driven more by selfish ambition rather than by a true call from God.

Hold your plans loosely. There could be broader possibilities to God’s plans for your life. You should say, “If the Lord wills, you can do this or that.” See James 4:13-17.

You Must Be In Faith

And, of course, this brings us back where we started. The biggest pitfall of all is to not be in faith for what you are about to do. You can read all of the articles below to fully understand the danger of not being in faith to move forward with the decisions you make.

Other Related Articles

• The Most Important Question to Ask When Making a Decision – 1.0
• What Do You Cling to When Your Marriage Falls Apart? – 2.0
• Why is the Faith Question the Most Important Question to Ask When Making a Decision? – 3.0
• None of Us Have to Be Mr. Perfect Regarding Our Faith. It’s Okay – 4.0
• I Think I Married the Wrong Person – 5.0
• Are you saying I can never change my mind? – 6.0
• How do I go about making a decision – 7.0
• What are some pitfalls when making a decision – 8.0

Checkout some of our training videos on our YouTube Channel

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Two very good books on biblical decision making are Step By Step, by James Petty and Finding the Will of God, by Bruce Waltke. These books are about 200 pages and easy to read, while theologically precise and biblically practical.

On decision making, here are a few quick tips…

Be Teachable – Humility is a gift from God. Ask God for it and pursue it aggressively. It is the best gift when making a decision. Coming to the Father with a “not my will, but your will be done” attitude is the way you want to begin the process of making a decision.

Be Suspicious of Yourself – If you truly believe the log is in your eye, then you will be humbly suspicious of yourself. I think it is healthy to understand that you could possibly be wrong in a matter. There is one thing I know: I am self-deceived in certain areas. I have blind spots. It is not a good beginning to think you have the answers. Healthy suspicion is a good thing.

Pray Often – It should go without saying, but I will say it anyway. Spend much time before your Father, seeking and asking while expressing gratitude for his continued lavishing of himself upon you. Pray much.

Search the Scriptures - The Bible will give you direct commands as well as indirect commands. Scriptures will tell you directly not to commit adultery, not to steal, not to get drunk, etc. It will tell you to serve others, to forgive others, to be kind to others, etc. The Bible is very clear in many areas.

However, the Bible does not speak to every situation, like whether you should go to college or start a Roth IRA. There are principles that can be applied to your life. Trust the Bible because it gives us all we need for life and godliness. See 2 Peter 1:3.

Seek Counsel – There is wisdom and safety in counsel. (Prov. 24:6) Seek out those who are a little further down the road than you are. Though I’m not opposed to peer counseling, I would caution anyone about receiving exclusive counsel from those who are very similar to you. Additionally, find the people you trust and who possess the wisdom to speak to your situation.

Tomorrow’s post: Pitfalls to avoid when making a decision

Other Related Articles

• The Most Important Question to Ask When Making a Decision – 1.0
• What Do You Cling to When Your Marriage Falls Apart? – 2.0
• Why is the Faith Question the Most Important Question to Ask When Making a Decision? – 3.0
• None of Us Have to Be Mr. Perfect Regarding Our Faith. It’s Okay – 4.0
• I Think I Married the Wrong Person – 5.0
• Are you saying I can never change my mind? – 6.0
• How do I go about making a decision – 7.0
• What are some pitfalls when making a decision – 8.0

Checkout some of our training videos on our YouTube Channel

Free Counseling Advice via Twitter

Free Counseling Advice via Weekly eBlast

Checkout Counseling Solution’s Membership Training Site

Last week I wrote a fictional Case Study about Jack and Jill. Click The Most Important Question to Ask When Making a Decision to read more. Essentially, Jack and Jill are two Christians in love and are planning on getting married in six months. They come to you for counseling. My question to you is: of all the questions that you want to ask them, what is the most important question of all? What is the one question that is more important than any other question that you could ask them?

Here’s the Answer!

• Are you in faith to get married?
• Or, stated another way, do you have a word from the Lord that you are supposed to marry this person?
• Or, do you believe this is God’s will for your life?

It is the faith question. It does not matter exactly how you ask the question, but it is essential that you not only ask it, but you explain to them why you are asking it. There is no more important question to ask when it comes to biblical decision making.

Major Caveat

Jack and Jill are in love. I realize that it probably would not matter, in their situation, what you asked them because they are going to answer you in the affirmative. Most young couples are so enamored with one another in this type of situation that any objectivity is out the window. Nevertheless, you must have the conversation.

Whatever is not of faith…

Paul said,

But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin. – Romans 14:23 (ESV)

A modern paraphrase of this verse is “when in doubt, don’t.” Paul says that it is sin to proceed into any situation, if you cannot move forward believing you are doing the right thing. It is essential that Jack and Jill are trusting God as it pertains to getting married. They believe for them to marry is the right thing to do. They must be in faith.

Common Questions that Arise…

1. Why do you say this is the most important question?
2. Does this mean I can’t doubt at all? Are you talking about perfect faith before I can make a decision?
3. What if I married a person, but now I realize I was not in faith when we were married and now our marriage stinks? What am I to do now?
4. How can I know God’s will? Can you give me details on how to make a decision in faith?

I will interact with these questions in subsequent posts…

Other Related Articles

• The Most Important Question to Ask When Making a Decision – 1.0
• What Do You Cling to When Your Marriage Falls Apart? – 2.0
• Why is the Faith Question the Most Important Question to Ask When Making a Decision? – 3.0
• None of Us Have to Be Mr. Perfect Regarding Our Faith. It’s Okay – 4.0
• I Think I Married the Wrong Person – 5.0
• Are you saying I can never change my mind? – 6.0
• How do I go about making a decision – 7.0
• What are some pitfalls when making a decision – 8.0

Checkout some of our training videos on our YouTube Channel

Free Counseling Advice via Twitter

Free Counseling Advice via Weekly eBlast

Checkout Counseling Solution’s Membership Training Site

A Case Study on Biblical Decision Making

Jack and Jill are in love. They have been talking about getting married for awhile now. They love God, have been pure in their relationship, and want to honor their parents. They met in college, but have waited until both have secured good jobs and paid-off most of their college debt. They have known each other for five years and have dated for the past 18 months.

They come to you for counsel. While they are pretty sure they are getting married and both sets of parents are okay with the idea, they want your thoughts about a potential engagement and future marriage. You have a list of questions you want to ask them, but one question is more important than any other question and it is the first question that you ask them.

What is the question you want to ask them and why is it more important than any other question? Give Scriptural support for your question.

Other Related Articles

• The Most Important Question to Ask When Making a Decision – 1.0
• What Do You Cling to When Your Marriage Falls Apart? – 2.0
• Why is the Faith Question the Most Important Question to Ask When Making a Decision? – 3.0
• None of Us Have to Be Mr. Perfect Regarding Our Faith. It’s Okay – 4.0
• I Think I Married the Wrong Person – 5.0
• Are you saying I can never change my mind? – 6.0
• How do I go about making a decision – 7.0
• What are some pitfalls when making a decision – 8.0

Checkout some of our training videos on our YouTube Channel

Free Counseling Advice via Twitter

Free Counseling Advice via Weekly eBlast

Checkout Counseling Solution’s Membership Training Site

I’m stuck between two good decisions and I don’t know how to make a choice. Can God really give us two decisions that are good from our perspective? Doesn’t it have to be narrowed down to one?

How kind of God! What a wonderful place to be: two or more good possibilities.

Yes, it is true; God can put us in the delightful place of multiple choices and neither of them are necessarily sinful. Do you want vanilla or strawberry or chocolate ice cream? There are times when purposeful freedom is an option when there seems to be multiple options.

Let’s say you have two good job opportunities!

In such a situation it can come down to pragmatic or wisdom questions like what are the costs to relocate, is there a good local church in your potential new town, what are the hours involved regarding your work schedule, will there be temptations to sin and/or what are your future vocational desires.

Let’s say you have worked through these questions and there are still two or three vocational options on the table. Do not be afraid of purposeful freedom. It can be okay to choose the job you prefer.

I want to take a day trip

Do I want to go to Myrtle Beach, Seabrook Island, Hilton Head or the Great Smokey Mountains? Do I want to visit the Carl Sandberg Home or the Biltmore House in Ashville, NC? Again, there is nothing necessarily wrong with any of these choices.

• How much time do I have?
• How much will it cost?
• How far away is it?
• This year I may decide on the Sandberg Home and next year it may be the Biltmore.

James Petty has a very good book called Step By Step. And Bruce Waltke has another called Finding the Will of God. Both of these books are excellent treatments on the subject.

Here are some Good questions to ask when making a decision

1. What is the decision you are thinking about? What is it that you want to do?
2. What are your motives? Are there any obvious or hidden sin in your desires?
3. What does the Bible say explicitly about what you want to do? (You shall not commit adultery. You shall not murder. You shall not lie or steal or covet.)
4. What are some implications of Scripture, reading in-between the lines of the Bible, so to speak, e.g. selfishness, selfish ambition or materialism.
5. What do a few trusted friends say about this? I’m speaking of those that will be honest with you.
6. Are you “in faith” to proceed? (Romans 14:23b) Can you move forward with a clear conscience?
7. If you are not in doubt and answered the questions above in such a way you believe you can make a decision, then consider moving forward.
8. If there is doubt in your soul, then you can’t move forward. A modern paraphrase of Romans 14:23 could be when in doubt, don’t. In such cases, go back through this process again.

And above all, guard your heart from the tyranny of trying to make the perfect decision. There is pride in such paralysis. Don’t over-think the situation.

Checkout some of our training videos on our YouTube Channel

Free Counseling Advice via Twitter

Free Counseling Advice via Weekly eBlast

Checkout Counseling Solution’s Membership Training Site