Looking for a solid local church can have many challenges and raise many questions. Anyone who has looked for a local church knows these challenges. While it can be a faith-filling experience, it can also be a difficult journey.

Occasionally I hear people say something like the following when they critique a local church,

I like that church, but it is too big for me. I’m looking for something smaller.

Though I think I understand their sentiment, it is an unusual critique from a New Testament perspective. Numerical growth in the NT was generally a sign of God’s blessing rather than an indication of a problem. The early church flocked to God and to each other as God added to their number.

Additionally, it is not unusual for an employee to enjoy the benefits and opportunities that come with a larger organization. You don’t normally hear the “large church rationale” regarding a job or a school, though I realize there are exceptions.

• This company is too large. I’m looking for a company with fewer employees.
• This school is way too big. I want to go to a school with just a handful of people.

(I’m aware that some large churches are not solid, conservative churches. The nature, vision, and values of those types of churches are outside the purpose of this article. Here I am speaking about large Gospel-centered, Christ-exalting churches.)

God adds people to his church according to his good purposes. A large local church is a church that God has chosen to bless by increasing its membership. If God’s blessing is on the church, then making God’s blessing a negative is not wise or biblical. Of course I’m not saying a small church is not experiencing God’s blessing; I am saying the size of the church is at times too much of a concern for some Christians.

You do not read of New Testament believers complaining about the size of their local church. There are more important things to consider when choosing a local church. I have written seven articles on how to find a good local church:

1. How to Find a Local Church, 1.0
2. The #1 Priority for Any Local Church, 2.0
3. The Second Question to Ask a Local Church, 3.0
4. You Better Believe Worship Matters, 4.0
5. Ministries, Programs & Amenities of Religion - 5.0
6. Fellowship! What is Missing in Most Local Churches – 6.0
7. Thoughts on Pursuing Others Relationally – 6.1

An employee of a large corporation typically has a small group of friends that he associates and works with. This is normal and expected. He does not feel the pressure to get to know every person in the organization. A good employee’s primary objective is to support the mission and values of the corporation within the smaller sphere in which he was hired to work.

A large local church should be viewed similarly. A large local church that is functioning biblically will have smaller contexts in which the members of the church can fulfill the “one another” imperatives of the NT. A small group is an excellent context for Christians to enjoy the benefits of body life, while supporting and fulfilling the greater mission of the church.

Application Questions

1. Is the size of the local church an important factor when you are looking for a local church? If so, why?
2. What are your top five values, in order of priority, when you are looking for a local church?
3. How are you experiencing authentic, reciprocal relationships in your local church while supporting the greater vision of your local church?

Related Articles in this Series

1. The Church: the dearest place on earth
2. A Bigger Vision: the local church – 1.0
3. A Bigger Vision: my church is too big! - 2.0
4. A Bigger Vision: the new category: church attender – 3.0
5. A Bigger Vision: let me care for you – 4.0

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If you believe you should end a counseling session before you feel it is time to do so, be sure to spend adequate time in prayer. You may also want to seek the counsel of others. Maybe you are part of a counseling team where you can discuss the merits of terminating a counseling session. If terminating is the wise choice and you believe you are released in your soul to do so, then here are some things to consider as you walk your counselee through the termination process.

Be Honest – Be Clear – If you think you’re going to have to end a counseling session due to lack of change, please communicate this to your counselee. He should not go away thinking one thing, while you are thinking something completely different. By this time in the counseling process, you should be far enough along in the counseling to tell him what you are thinking.

Counseling is primarily relational and you should have enough of a relationship with him to where you can be honest about the true status of the counseling. If you think it is not working, then let him know that the counseling is not working at this time.

Sometimes in counseling you do not tell a counselee everything that you are thinking because it is not appropriate or caring. But there are times when you need to tell him exactly what you are thinking. This is one of those times.

Tell him precisely why you do not believe the counseling can go forward. It is essential you be clear. He needs to know why you have come to this conclusion. Be specific in your evaluation of the counseling sessions. This is not the time to be vague or ambiguous. This information will be invaluable if he ever comes to the place where he wants counsel in the future because he is genuinely serious about change.

Be Kind - Christian counseling is not Christian or counseling if it is done without kindness or compassion. Genuinely seek to love and connect with those you serve. This does not mean you have to avoid hard things. Sometimes it is not possible to avoid hard things in counseling. In some ways, that is the essence of counseling. However, there is no place for harshness, curtness or a lack of affection and love for the people God brings to you for care. You care for others in the same manner in which Jesus cared for others. In some parts of the biblical counseling movement the counselors are known for their harshness and impatience when it comes to caring for souls. Directness, honesty, and clarity do not have to be done in an unkind way.

Be Open – Should he come to an end of himself in the future, to where he is finally ready to receive counseling, he will more than likely remember your final words to him. If you have been honest, clear, and kind, then he will probably want to see you again. He will know that you love him and that you are willing to give him clear counsel. He will also know you will welcome him back in a spirit of love and help rather than a spirit of judgment and self-righteousness. Let him know that you want to see him again should he be willing to receive the counseling.

Don’t Blow-up the Bridge

He should know why counseling is not working during this season. He should also know that you do not desire to end the counseling and that you would be willing to meet with him again sometime in the future. Pray for him often. Ask God to gently bring him to that place to where he is serious about change. Who knows, God may bring him back from the fog. Do not destroy the bridge, just in case he does seek to return.

Sometime counseling success may be several years after you originally meet with the counselee.

Read These Related Articles

1. Counseling Failure: A Private Memo to Counselors – 1.0
2. When to End a Counseling Session – 2.0
3. How to End a Counseling Session – 3.0
4. The counseling is not going anywhere. What do I do? – 4.0

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Jerry called me for marriage counseling. He and Cindy had been struggling in their marriage. Jerry said his marriage had always been difficult. He was careful to let me know that his wife had problems, but also acknowledged that he was not all he needed to be as well. He asked me to be completely honest with both of them. He didn’t want me to hold back when assessing their marriage. He also appealed to me to be practical and clear.

After several two-hour counseling sessions (my normal counseling time) and scores of questions for Jerry and Cindy, it became apparent that Jerry’s humility was a front. It was a false humility. Though he said he wanted me to be clear, honest, and practical and though he said he wanted me to not hold back, what he was really saying is that he wanted me to “straighten out his wife.”

He was right in that his wife had problems. However, he was dishonest when he said he wanted to deal with his problems as well. The counseling went well as long as I was bringing observations to his wife. But when the tables turned and I began to address issues in his life, he was argumentative, angry, resistant, and disagreeable. Sadly, for his wife and his marriage, Jerry had an overt agenda: he wanted his wife to submit to him and he was not about to humble himself. What Jerry really wanted was a maid, cook, childcare provider, and sex partner.

The Downside of Counseling

Counseling can be an artificial construct set up to bring about change in someone’s life. I have written extensively on this subject in the past and will not repeat those ideas here. You can read some of my thoughts about the downside of counseling here:

1. Inherent Liabilities in Biblical Counseling
2. How Would You Counsel a Prodigal
3. Counseling Success…Three Years Later
4. Getting Comfortable as God’s Water Boy

There are two main things that have to happen if a person is going to change during a counseling season:

1. The counselee must be humble and repentant
2. The counselee must be in a context for change while he is humble and repentant.

The counselee can be humble and repentant, but not in a context, like counseling, where he can be guided toward change. The counselee can be in a context of guidance, but he can be resistant to change. However, if he is humble, repentant, and in a context of change, there is a very good chance he will change.

More times than you might imagine, humility, repentance, and context do not always converge at the same time, in the same season. If these three dynamics are not happening for a counselee, the counselor will have to determine how much further he can go in the counseling process. The template in the story of the Prodigal Son is a good guide for how you should think about the convergence of humility, repentance, and context. You can find those thoughts here.

Signs for Ending a Counseling Session

Here are some things you can be on the lookout for when counseling someone, particularly as you are thinking about whether it would be profitable to continue counseling when change is not happening.

1. Counselee is angry
2. Counselee is resistant to change
3. Counselee resists the counsel
4. Counselee is argumentative
5. Counselee repeatedly makes excuses as to why things won’t change
6. Counselee consistently blames their difficulty on others
7. Counselee does not do what you ask them to do
8. Counselee seeks to control the counseling session
9. Counselee is repeatedly late or cancels the session
10. Counselee is texting while you are talking (this happened to me one time.)

Read These Related Articles

1. Counseling Failure: A Private Memo to Counselors – 1.0
2. When to End a Counseling Session – 2.0
3. How to End a Counseling Session – 3.0
4. The counseling is not going anywhere. What do I do? – 4.0

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There are over 250 different counseling models in our country today. You can find anything from the weird to the extreme. There are niche models that focus on memories. There are more comprehensive models that engage the whole being in the counseling process.

There are other models that are purely secular, while some models integrate the secular with the Bible. There are still other models that would be considered Christian, from the perspective of teaching Christian principles as the road to recovery.

What is truly interesting, in light of these many models, is that the Bible promotes only one counseling model. My goal, hope, and life calling is to promote and teach to all Christians, everywhere the counseling model the Bible promotes.

The foundational piece that all my counseling and training builds on can be described in one word:

Jesus

There it is. That is it.

If our counseling does not derive from Him, or point to Him, or is motivated because of Him, then our counseling model is wrong. The point of the entire bible is Jesus. Adam took the whole world into the ditch of the abnormal. The Father’s spontaneous response to sin was the promise of Jesus (Gen. 3:15), the normal one.

Everything in counseling should point to him, or as it is said today, it should point to “the Gospel.” Christ is what is normal. Are you looking for what is normal? Would you like to experience normal? Then I’d recommend Christ, who is the perfect model of what normal was always meant to be.

Looking for love in all the wrong places

The reason a porn guy is into porn is because he is looking for satisfaction. He is discontented and unsatisfied. He turns to porn as the answer for his problem. He is no different than Adam who ate from the fruit of the tree. Satan made an offer to Adam, suggesting if he ate the fruit of the tree, he would experience something special. Adam listened and then partook. He was looking to be satisfied by something other than what the Father was offering.

Truly, Jesus is the ultimate satisfaction for the soul. The only true choice for the dissatisfied is when a person finds his satisfaction in Him. The one and only true and right counseling model is a Gospel-centered model. As John said, “He must increase. I must decrease.” (John 3:30)

I wish I could take the bible and momentarily do away with it, stand Jesus in the middle of the room, and point to him as the solution to our problems. We get so bogged down in principles, practices, methods, techniques, and Bible verses that we miss the yearning Savior, who is standing alone, beckoning us to come to him to find the satisfaction that will cause us to never thirst again. (John 4:14)

Imagine just for a moment…

1. what it would be like if a husband loved his wife like Christ loved the church. (Eph. 5:25)
2. what it would be like if we forgave others because we have been forgiven by Christ. Eph. 4:32)
3. what it would be like if we imitated God. (Eph. 5:1)
4. what it would be like if Christ was our only reason for living. (I Cor. 2:2)
5. what it would be like if all Christians were willing to bear with one another. (Col. 3:13)
6. what it would be like if we endured in suffering like the Savior. (1 Peter 2:21)
7. what it would be like if I were Christ-like. (Eph. 4:17-24)

In all of the verses above, there is a direct, solid line from the desired behavior we want to manifest and the Savior we are to emulate. If our counseling does not point to Christ, then our counseling model is missing the point of the Bible. Christ is the singular point of the Bible and should be the singular point of our lives.

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Becky said she was a Christian. I believed she was a Christian. Therefore, I counseled her as though she was a Christian. Within five minutes of counseling her, she sinned in three explicit ways. Thinking she was a Christian, I assumed I could bring to her attention what she sincerely seemed to be unaware of.

As her brother in Christ, I thought she’d be thankful that I would bring these apparent blind spots to her attention. Therefore, based on our relationship in Christ, I approached the subject, not by making an accusation, but by asking her some questions about what appeared to be sin issues in her life.

She was not happy, became defensive, and responded in anger. I was surprised.

Lesson Learned

Just because someone says they are a Christian, does not necessarily mean they will respond like a Christian. -RLT

When you begin counseling someone, one of the first things you want to do is find the appropriate starting point before you begin counseling. Just because someone says they are a Christian does not necessarily mean you can start them at your understanding and expectation of what a Christian should be.

We Christians can be “all over the map” as far as our sanctification is concerned. And because of this, it may take a few counseling sessions to find out where you should start with the individual you are counseling.

He says he is a Christian. He acts as though he is a Christian. He uese the language of a Christian. But this does not mean he is a Christian or that he understands and practices Christianity according to your understanding and practice of the Bible. -RLT

Don’t Assume. Keep Backing Up.

You may think you understand them and that you know where to dive into the counseling session, only to find out that you assumed too much. Through better questioning and more data gathering you realize your starting point is a bit farther back than what you previously assumed. In such cases, you need to “keep backing up” until you find that starting place. Then once you find it, you can begin the counseling.

I generally think the best about people and believe what they tell me. If they say they are a Christian, then I believe they are a Christian. If they tell me they want to work on their marriage, then I believe they want to work on their marriage. If they say they want me to speak into their lives, then I believe they want me to speak into their lives.

However, I have learned over the years that though I want to think the best about what the person is telling me, I still need to ask more clarifying questions to see if what I think they are saying is really what they are saying. Too many times I have “jumped the gun” so to speak, by taking them at their word and launching into the counseling session as though we were on the same page.

If we are not on the same page, then I begin the “backing up” process until I find out where they really are and at that point I begin counseling them. Sometimes it is a remarkably long way from where I originally thought.

Other Related Articles

• How Honest Can I Be With You?
• If I Had a Bridge I Would Tell You What I Am Thinking

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Fear is the bottom line, number one issue, that we all struggle with. In order to overcome our fears, we seek to take control of our lives. This approach leads to more disappointment and frustration, which brings more fear to our lives. It is an endless, self-defeating loop that many feel helpless to escape.

Watch this fast-paced video short from our longer seminar.

You can watch the full-length webinar next Tuesday night, March 30th from 7:30 to 9:00PM. Click the link below to register.

Cost: $10.95 per computer. If you have more people viewing your computer screen, it’s still the same single price of $10.95

Schedule: Tuesday – March 30, 7:30 PM to 9:00 PM EST

Also Read These Related Articles

1. Fighting Self-Sufficiency
2. Fighting Fear
3. Do Not Fear, Trust Me

If you are a member of our Membership Site you can watch this webinar for free on any one of the nights available. Please email me for a free coupon code in order to register on your preferred night.

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Answer “yes” or “no” to these questions to see whether or not God has called you to be a counselor:

Yes or No Questions

1. Are you a Christian?
2. Do you love God?
3. Do you love others?
4. Do you love God’s Word?
5. Do you love to see others changed by God’s Word?

If you answered “yes” to all of the questions above, you are a counselor. If you prefer the word “discipler,” that is fine. I actually prefer that word as well. Another term is biblical friendship. However, if you answered “no” to any of the questions above, please email me to set-up an appointment.

Counseling is not the biblical norm, but discipleship is and every Christian is called to care for one another in some form of discipleship context. Each Christian can and should participate in the care of others, according to their gifting.  We should not be asking whether or not we are counselors as much as …

1. How can I be a friend to my brother or sister?
2. How can I care for my brother or sister?
3. What role can I play in the care of others?
4. What do I need to do in order to be better equipped as a discipler for Christ?

The essence of the gospel is going from one place to another in order to help a people in need. See Philippians 2:5-8. This is what every Christian should be doing.

Here are some helpful verses for you. Place your cursor over the verse to read them in the pop-up boxes:

1. Romans 15:14
2. Matthew 22:36-40
3. Matthew 28:19-20
4. Romans 14:19
5. 1 Corinthians 12:25
6. Ephesians 4:25
7. Ephesians 4: 32
8. Colossians 3:13
9. Colossians 3:16
10. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
11. Hebrews 10:24-25
12. James 5:16
13. 1 Peter 4:9
14. 1 Peter 4:10

Other related articles:

• Case Study: Counselees and the Local Church
• Case Study: Are You NANC Certified?
• Should I Be NANC Certified?
• To Certify or Not to Certify: That is the Question for Counselors
• Counseling Solutions Training Program to Equip Counselors
• Desire and Burden Do Not Make a Biblical Counselor
• Inherent Liabilities with Biblical Counseling
• Counseling Today: Standing on Jay’s Shoulders, Pt. 1
• Counseling Today: Standing on Jay’s Shoulders, Pt. 2
• Can’t the Local Church Do This?
• Two Ways to Become a Better Counselor
• My Top Choices for Counselor Training
• Do I Need a License to Be a Christian Counselor

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Mailbag: Rick, love the blog. Okay, here’s my question: I would really like to be a Christian counselor. How should I go about it?

Once per week, I get this question, or a variation of this question. This particular question is vague in that they are not asking about training for counseling, methods of counseling or contexts for counseling. They are simply asking how to go about becoming a counselor. Here are a few thoughts:

You Are Already a Counselor

Every Christian is a counselor. This is not an optional vocation for the believer. You may be more comfortable with the word discipler. That is fine. Whatever you want to call it, you are always doing two things: (1) Modeling and (2) Teaching. This is what Christians do.

Modeling

The life you live before God and man communicates your worldview, values and Christian belief system. If I hug my wife, tell her I love her, sweep the floor, take out the trash or if I choose not to do any of these things and decide that being a couch potato is more to my liking, I am modeling something to her and the kids.

You can never escape the reality that our life is a book that is known and read by others. What we choose to do or not to do is instructional to our audience. Our behavior is a form of counseling. Counseling should not be something you aspire to do someday in the future. It is what you are doing today.

Teaching

Every time you open your mouth, you are teaching someone something. If you withhold words, you are also teaching. When I am harsh toward my kids, I am teaching them. When I am giving my wife the silent treatment, I am teaching her. Modeling and teaching work hand-in-hand in the Christian community to bring counsel to those we love as well as to those who do not know the Savior.

Principle: Your modeling should always precede your teaching. If you do not model what you teach, then your teaching will be trumped by your lack of modeling. Your lifestyle will negate all your bible-speak or, as has been said by others, “A picture is worth a thousand words.”

Read my post, Ever Considered Modeling for a Career?

Advanced Counseling

If you want to take your counseling to the next level, beyond everyday Christian living, then I recommend you begin that process today. There are two common mistakes that aspiring Christian counselors make:

1. They don’t realize that, in reality, they are counseling others today, by both the life they lead and the words they say.
2. They think they should wait until someday in the future before they start counseling Christians in a more formal way.

Bob is working on his M. Div. at a local university. Afterwards he plans on getting a MA in Christian Counseling. Once he gets all his prerequisite training, he will then begin the steps toward counseling others.

Begin Multi-Tasking NOW!!

It takes many years to build a reputation in any field, to where people are seeking you out to learn from you. It doesn’t matter what your profession is, you are not automatically granted a hearing just because you have some training. As it pertains to Christian counseling, I would not recommend a person postpone building their reputation as a Christian counselor.

Begin building your reputation while you are completing your training. Since all Christians counsel, do not withhold God’s truth until you get your ducks in a row. Tell people about the Savior today, according to your present understanding of the Word of God. If you desire to help people practically apply the truth of God’s Word in their lives, do not withhold that information until a future time when you think you are better prepared.

Pursue your training and pursue people at the same time. This will also make you a better student and counselor. Most people do not have the opportunity to apply on the job what they are currently learning. Most college students receive their education and then seek employment. You can simultaneously be doing the work of a Christian counselor while learning how to be a Christian counselor.

Where do I start?

It has never been easier to communicate to the masses as it is today. Here are three quick and easy ways to get started with minimal investment in time and money:

• Start a blog
• Begin Twittering
• Use Facebook

These three Social Media recommendations have tremendous redemptive value and all three are free. It astounds me that I can communicate the truth of God’s Word to virtually any human on the planet. In seconds you can be communicating throughout your hometown as well as around the world through Social Media. Christians should have the biggest vision and greatest passion for this kind of communication, because we have the best message this world has ever known.

We have the message and the means to communicate to the masses like never before. -R. Thomas

The motive behind the printing press was theological. Our motive behind Social Media should be the same. You want to be a counselor? Start counseling. Let’s see where God takes you.

More Related Articles on the Ins & Outs of Becoming a Christian Counselor

• Case Study: Counselees and the Local Church
• Case Study: Are You NANC Certified?
• Should I Be NANC Certified?
• To Certify or Not to Certify: That is the Question for Counselors
• Counseling Solutions Training Program to Equip Counselors
• Desire and Burden Do Not Make a Biblical Counselor
• Inherent Liabilities with Biblical Counseling
• Counseling Today: Standing on Jay’s Shoulders, Pt. 1
• Counseling Today: Standing on Jay’s Shoulders, Pt. 2
• Can’t the Local Church Do This?
• Two Ways to Become a Better Counselor
• My Top Choices for Counselor Training
• Do I Need a License to Be a Christian Counselor

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Free Counseling Advice via Twitter

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Checkout Counseling Solution’s Membership Training Site

From Eric Johnson at the Society of Christian Psychology

Yet, a survey of integration literature forces one to conclude that the considerable contributions of biblical counseling have been overall largely ignored in the broader Christian counseling community. On the contrary, when biblical counseling hasbeen noted, the focus is almost invariably on its critical approach to modern psychology or its weaknesses. Every movement has weaknesses; we have to do better than that. We need to learn from biblical counseling some of the most important features of a Christian counseling model worthy of the name.

Read entire article HERE

About Dr. Johnson

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Do you consider yourself better than the person you are discipling?
As a teacher are you tempted to think you are superior to your student?

Here’s a tip for success in counseling, training, teaching or coaching

The person who believes he is a servant of all will be in a better place to accomplish his/her goals for the people he/she desires to teach.

Jesus said in Mark 10:45 that he did not come here to be served, but to serve. He came with the attitude of a servant. “But I’m not Jesus!” That is true. You are not.

You are a sinner. I am a sinner. And the temptation for us sinners is to consider ourselves better than those we serve. Jesus never had this temptation. The temptation I’m speaking of is self-righteousness.

Here is another tip that might help you: ALL counseling is “speck fishing.” When counseling someone you are fishing for specks regarding their problems, rather than logs.

Remember what Jesus said in another place?

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?

Or how can you say to your brother, Let me take the speck out of your eye, when there is the log in your own eye?

You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. -Matthew 7:3-5 (ESV)

When you are counseling someone, who do you think has the “log” in their eye and who has the “speck”?

This is a very important question when working with anyone. If you do not consider yourself the biggest sinner in the conversation, then you are beginning at the wrong place as it pertains to the process of change.

Read these complementary articles on this subject

• Anger’s Solution
• Exposed By the Cross
• What Am I Missing When I Get Angry
• If I Told You I Didn’t Sin How Would You Feel
• The Blessing of Being the Biggest Sinner in the Room

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