Archive | Counseling Stories

49% Bad … don’t push it!

A few years ago I had the privilege to spend some time with some friends in NYC. It was Queens actually. Their church was planted many years prior and was going strong, but thought it would be good to have some guys come in to serve them evangelistically.   

I was immediately exhilarated by the ease and opportunities for evangelism in New York. People were everywhere. It was nearly overwhelming the first time we went. And there was so much freedom in telling people about the Savior. Not only were people everywhere but they were mostly un-churched with very little idea of what it was all about. It was a most unusual place for me to be. It was comparatively different than my religious South. God opened my eyes to so much and allowed me to step out of my hermetically sealed world into a real world. Things were all of a sudden not safe. Yes, it was exhilarating.

One day before the church meeting on Wednesday I was making my way to the meeting at the American Legion Hall and there was a couple sitting on the park bench just across the street from the Hall. The couple was not talking to one another. They had carry-out Chinese. They were focused. She was overweight. He was slightly overweight. He had reddish hair that was a bit greasy and long. He face was acne covered. They were probably about 27 to 30 years of age. They had just got off work, stopped somewhere for some rice and whatever and were eating on the park bench. This was normal. There were many people milling around them in the smallish park.

He had a T-shirt that said, “51% Good & 49% Bad: Don’t push it”. That was a welcoming sight. I approached them hoping not to push it, but yet a desire to tell them about Jesus. It was a bit surreal. They were sitting, eating, focused simultaneously downward and most certainly in no hurry. I began the small talk, which led to the deep talk. I had 30 minutes before the meeting started. He was not a Christian and knew very little about it. He was either interested or didn’t have anywhere to go so he listened to this weirdo from Greenville, SC. I’m sure it was non-threatening to him. In his own laid-back, semi-interested coolness he talked to me as did his wife.

I asked him about heaven and hell and whether he believed in either and whether he knew how to get to either. He believed, but didn’t know the course to take. I invited him to the meeting. He said he couldn’t come because we would not accept him. That might be true in Greenville, SC, but not in NY and praise God I was in NY and it didn’t matter what you looked like. He also had a six pack or more of beer at his side. I told him to come on in that he was welcome here. He was taken aback by that, in a positive kind of way. We talked some more and then I told him I had to go. It was a pleasant conversation. I did plead with him to come to the meeting.

I hung around the inside entrance for a long while. He never showed. About 20 minutes into the meeting he and his wife came in. I was so encouraged. He told me later that he got saved and the reason he was late for the meeting was because he went home to pour his beer out. He wanted to walk a new way. The truth is he was 100% bad, but God changed that.

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Counseling Success … Three Years Later!

Counseling Success … Three Years Later!

A number of years ago I came back to our church office from lunch. As I entered the door there was a man at the other end of the hallway, some forty yards away, doing electrical work. The sun was blaring through the glass door just behind where he was standing so all I could see was a dark silhouette. Not having the sun at my back, he could see me clearly. He recognized me. He yelled out, “Rick Thomas! Is that you?”

As a counselor of many people who do not want to change, I was not thinking the best about this situation. My heart began to pound as he began walking toward me telling me about our last encounter. He didn’t tell me his name initially. He began to tell me about a time when he was in a 12-week discipleship program that I was leading and my feeble attempts to counsel him. He said that toward the end of our time together I told him that I didn’t think he was regenerate.

A Counselor’s Dread

This is a counselor’s worst nightmare when an unrepentant counselee comes back years later, clearly articulating how it all went down during the counseling season. And what went down was not good with my former counselee. I thought, “I’m dead!” I had no clue who this person was. I’ve counseled several hundred people like him through the years. I was struggling, in the moment, to hope for the best. His 40-yard walk toward me seemed to be in slow motion.

When he reached me he reached out his hand toward me, introduced himself and said thank you for saying those very hard and challenging words. He said he couldn’t shake what I said and after much thought and many months of on-going trouble he thought that maybe I was right. Maybe he was not a Christian.

A Counselor’s Relief

About three weeks prior to our fortuitous meeting he told me that he asked God to transform him from inside out. He said that God did do that for him and my new friend said everything was okay. In God’s kind providence he happened to be doing some electrical work for our church and I happened to be coming back from lunch and he happened to be standing there and he wanted to share the good news.

In my heart I went “Whew!!!”

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Cigarettes and Jesus

Cigarettes and Jesus

Okay, this is embarrassing. A number of years ago (probably ’88 or ’89) I met a young man who was living a hopeless life. He had relational problems, drug problems, employment problems and financial problems. He had tattoos and tattered clothes. He had long, disheveled hair and he smoked cigarettes.

Most of these problems were observable. Others were discovered with a few evangelistic type questions. I saw his problems for what they were and I further discerned what the cure could be: my new friend needed a Savior.

He was interested in my questions and he was not antagonistic toward the Gospel. I told him about the Savior. Surprisingly he was interested in what I had to say. In fact, he was so interested that he accepted my invitation to come to our local church meeting.

He asked me if I would take him and without discerning the situation I told him it was okay and he could ride in my car. On the way to the meeting he asked me if he could smoke a cigarette. I had just purchased a brand, spanking, new Buick LeSabre. I told him that he could not: this was the Lord’s car and I wasn’t going to have it tainted by some unbeliever’s cigarette smoke.

We arrived at the church meeting, parked and began to walk toward the building. As we approached the church building he asked me once again if he could smoke, this time before he entered. Because of his persistence and my fear that he would light up inside the building I told him he could and what transpired afterward was one of my most embarrassing moments of my early Christian life.

I stood on the sidewalk beside our church building with my new friend and the only thought running through my head was what does this look like as my fellow church friends are filing by me and I’m standing here with this pagan who is smoking a cigarette. I was humiliated. I did not want to be seen with him in this context. I did not want to be associated with him. I didn’t mind talking to him in his world (the trailer park), but not in my world where clean, middle-American, non-smoking, white people lived.

This story may or may not relate to you, I don’t know. But I relate to it and it tethers me to the disciples in Mark 10:13-16 who were struggling with the same arrogant, self-important, self-righteous attitude that puts them in direct opposition to the Savior.

And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them. (ESV)

The issue several years ago with me was not about my pagan friend and his cigarettes. And it was not about what I thought my friends thought about me. The issue was that I had no clue about what the Savior appreciated, what the Savior loved, what the Savior thought and what He was looking for. I was so concerned about my reputation and how my friends perceived me that I could not see the yearning Savior who moves through the smoke of this world in order to get to the heart of the needy. I preferred that my pagan friend clean up his act before God cleaned his heart. In some ways I wish I was more like him in that I would not cave to societal expectations, but have a genuine, authentic interest in the Savior.

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