However, to say that God is all you need is not completely accurate because, in the divine wisdom of God, He has chosen certain “means” (or instrumentations) of grace that are necessary for a person to change.

The Word of God Changes You

Since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God. – 1 Peter 1:23 (ESV)

One of those instrumentations of God’s grace to us is His incorruptible and empowering Word. Therefore, it would be accurate and appropriate to say, as Peter says here, the Word of God changes us.

So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ. – Romans 10:17 (ESV)

Our walk with God is a faith walk and the way we learn how to walk by faith is through the hearing of the Word of God. Our faith is informed by God’s Word and as we walk by faith, we experience more change.

The Word Concerning the Soul

The word psychology is a compound word: psyche & logos. The word psyche means soul and the word logos means word or the study of. It could be said that the word psychology is the study of the soul or the word concerning the soul.

In Genesis 2:7 we learn that God breathed into man and man was animated: he became a living soul. Therefore, God is the Creator of the soul. The soul (our psyche) did not come from evolutionary randomness. The soul came by the predetermined wisdom and action of God. He thought of the soul. He created the soul. He is the architect of the soul.

In 2 Timothy 3:16 we learn that God breathed again. This time he breathed into certain selected men, who he chose to write the Bible. These men were inspired by God to write the Words of God. In time the Words of God were put together in one edition. This is what we call the Bible.

1. The greatest psychologist who ever lived was Jesus Christ. No one knew (or knows) more about the soul than the One who created the soul.
2. The greatest psychology book ever written was the Bible. The Christian perspective and understanding on how change takes place us unique.
3. Therefore, a true psychologist is a person who seeks to bring God’s Word to bear on the soul.

The Word has Power to Change You

All Christians should be growing in their understanding and practice of soul care. We do this by growing in our understanding and practice of the Bible. The more we learn and apply the Bible to our lives, the more we will experience its life-changing power. And the more we experience its life-changing power, the more we will be positioned to bring the bible to bear on people’s lives so they can change too.

1. God will change you.
2. The Word of God will change you.

In This Series

• Five Ways to Change Your Ways: God – 1.0
• Five Ways to Change Your Ways: Bible – 2.0
• Five Ways to Change Your Ways: Self – 3.0

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Christianity needs a powerful voice in today’s world. Such a voice can come only from strong leaders guided by God and devoted to Christ. Spiritual Leadership will encourage you to place your talents and powers at His disposal so you can become a leader used for His glory. This edition has been been completely revised. The language is updated with a modern flavor and a study guide has been added, designed as a tool to help you grow and successfully apply the principles in this classic book!

“This is the best book on Christian leadership I have ever read.” -Charles Colson

Many books have been written concerning leadership. Some have been classics and withstood the test of time. Fewer combine Biblical wisdom and clarity with humility and servant leadership; Spiritual Leadership by J. Oswald Sanders is one of those books. Required reading for many in leadership courses & positions, this classic book details the practices and hearts of some of the greatest leaders who ever lived. Sanders uses primary examples in Scripture (Moses, Nehemiah, Paul) and also some of the most important leaders of the last 200 years, such as C.H. Spurgeon and David Livingstone.

We would also like to thank Moody Publishers for partnering with us to offer this free audiobook download for the of the month of September. While you’re downloading the free book for this month, be sure to jump in and discuss the free download on our Facebook page!

Blessings!

christianaudio

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What is most interesting about this observation is that many of these counselees have spent a good portion of their lives in various kinds of biblical studies or other theological training. Some of my counselees would be considered lifetime Sunday school attenders. Others have been committed to the “Women’s Bible Study” meetings of their local church for a decade or more. While others have been faithful attenders to the assorted “Men’s Meetings” that their church offers.

While I’m not saying that any of these meetings are wrong and I’m not on a campaign to dismantle or dissolve any of these meetings, I am saying that something is amiss if our seemingly endless and consistent pursuit of knowledge is not leading us to transformative application.

Always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth. – 2 Timothy 3:7 (ESV)

Typically, what I do in counseling is teach the individual how to apply the bible knowledge that has been accumulated through the years.

Something Is Wrong!

It is not a guarantee that effective transformation will come through “over-participation” in bible studies. Having someone preach or teach to you is not the same as you effectively preaching to yourself what you already know to be true.

When training my counselors, I often tell them the following: “Be careful about telling your counselees what to do. Lead them to the place of discovering and applying God’s truth for themselves.” God asked Adam where he was when Adam was “lost.” God knew where Adam was, but Adam was not fully aware of where he was. God was provoking Adam to think and respond to him rather than telling him what he needed to know. (Genesis 3:9)

Telling a child that 2 + 2 = 4 is not as effective as letting the child wrestle through the learning process. Application is a key component in teaching or counseling. Telling someone the truth is one thing, but leading them to discover the truth is far superior. If they discover it and own it, it will be theirs for the rest of their lives. Similarly, sitting in the Sunday meeting and soaking up the Sunday message will lose its effectiveness if there are no processes in place for the Christian to work the sermon deep into the core of his/her being.

There have to be contexts for the application of God’s Word after God’s Word is preached or God’s Word will lose its effectiveness. It seems as though that for some there is an over-reliance or “mystic” reliance on the Holy Spirit to make the truth real, practical and effective in their lives after they have heard it.

After years of counseling, I would say that some of the brightest and most knowledgeable Bible students can be no different than the Sunday school beginner when it comes to living in the fullness and joy that God offers through the Gospel.

If the Christian is not regularly applying the truth, he will not be living an effective Christian life. Countless Bible studies are no substitute for taking one sermon or lesson and working it into your life. In fact, too many studies can desensitize you to the truth you are trying to learn. – Charlie Boyd

This brings us to Psalm 103

David is doing something remarkable in Psalm 103. Quite simply he is “preaching to himself” the benefits of God. David is taking his soul to task by reminding himself of two specific things:

• What he knows to be true about God
• How he has personally experienced what he knows to be true about God

While it is true that faith comes by hearing the Word of God, it would not be wise to think that being within earshot of the truth is good enough. David was a student of God’s Word and a man after God’s heart, but he knew that in order to be transformed by God’s word that he needed to work the truth into the fabric of his soul until he owned it.

How have you experienced God?

The most profound experience that any believer can have with God is his experience of God through the Gospel. The singular truth that has made God more real to me than anything else, in over 25 years of walking with him, is the Gospel. The transformative reminder of the Gospel is the one thing that has buoyed me through some of life’s most heart rendering challenges.

• The Gospel reminds me that God loves me
• The Gospel reminds me that I should not fear
• The Gospel reminds me that everything will be okay
• The Gospel reminds me that my worst problem in life has been resolved
• The Gospel reminds me that God will go to infinite lengths to take care of me

Forget Not His Gospel!

This is what David told himself…

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits. – Psalm 103:1-2 (ESV)

What do you tell yourself?

These are part of my notes from the 08.29.10 sermon preached at Southside Fellowship

Application Questions

1. What contexts do you have to apply God’s Word to your life?
2. Do you have authentic, honest, and transparent relationships that help you apply God’s Word to your life?
3. Are you more apt to “listen” to yourself or “talk” to yourself?
4. What specific ways have you “preached to yourself” today?

Other Related Posts

1. Too Many Bible Studies, Pastor. Too Many Bible Studies, 1.0
2. Too Many Bible Studies: Here’s What We Do, 2.0
3. The Best Bible Study Ever, 3.0
4. The Missing Element in Bible Studies, 4.0

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Follow her journey, as she learns how to apply the Gospel to her personal life and then her marriage. If you want to restore your marriage to God, this booklet is for you. Help! My Marriage Has Grown Cold is for any person, male or female, who wants to know how to bring a marriage from the brink of divorce to a God-glorifying, one-flesh union.

You can pre-order larger quantities for your local church or counseling ministry. This booklet will be an excellent resource to give away to any marriage in trouble.

Pre-order any amount at the links below.

ISBN: 1846252199
ISBN-13: 9781846252198

Amazon pre-orders here: http://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Grown-Living-Fallen-World/dp/1846252199/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1280284926&sr=8-1

CBD pre-orders here: http://www.christianbook.com/help-my-marriage-has-grown-cold/rick-thomas/9781846252198/pd/252198?item_code=WW&netp_id=805132&event=ESRCN&view=details#curr

Day One Publishers pre-orders here: http://dayone.co.uk/index.php?_a=viewProd&productId=4795

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This may come as a surprise to some, but it is hardly a surprise for the biblical counselor. A lack of practical understanding of the Bible and a general weakness in local church discipleship processes was what gave rise to the biblical counseling movement in the 1970′s. Teaching people the practical truths of what Peter told us 2000 years ago is what keeps me in business as a para-Church (Read: alongside the local church, but not the local church) organization:

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence… – 2 Peter 1:3 (ESV)

We were granted all things that pertain to life and godliness long before Freud told Jung that they were going to change the world in the early 1900′s. Freud’s hatred for God motivated him to create a new way to think about the human condition. Many others have followed his path, as the psychological community has evolved into the ever-changing world of DSMs.

Because of the encroachments of the psychological community, it would be an unfair assumption to think that Christians know how to accurately understand themselves through the lens of Scripture. The primary reason that personality testing has such a foothold in the Christian mind is because of a general lack of awareness of the true purpose of Bible: to reveal the true person of God and the true person of man and how God came to transform man through the death and resurrection of His Son. Simply put, this is a discipleship issue.

Understand Your Gifting; Understand Yourself

For example, nothing can assess your gifting better than the Bible, especially in the context of a caring, discipleship community. Nothing can supplant the Bible when worked out through biblical discipleship processes, as far as assessing your personality. James gives us a clue as to how we drift from the Bible as a primary means of God’s grace that he gives us to help us understand ourselves better:

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. – James 1:22-25 (ESV)

The mirror, according to James’ inspired understanding, is the Word of God. James is saying that we tend to look into the Word (mirror), make some mental notes by assessing ourselves, and then quickly forget what we saw. When we do this, we are cutting ourselves off from being blessed.

Testing Replaces Community

As mentioned earlier in this post, another major key to biblical assessment is biblical community. The psychological tester unwittingly has replaced biblical community by their testing tools. The test has replaced the person as a means of grace to help figure out human deficiencies. I understand the problem: if you have never had consistent biblical fellowship in the context of a caring, discipleship community, where people were carefully and lovingly speaking into all areas of your life, then how can you know the sufficiency of Scripture and the practical transformative help that it brings to our lives through the community of faith? You can’t know what you don’t know.

Too many Christian husbands and wives do not experience this depth of biblical community, also called biblical fellowship (Kononia), where careful, loving, observation, and correction is given to them in order to adjust them so they may grow in ways that matter.

Too many Christian relationships are so superficial that it leaves one longing for something to help them grow. This leads the Christian community to look outside of the Bible and biblical contexts for self-discovery. One of the many means of grace that I have received from God, over the years, are people who are willing to love me enough to show me what I do not see about myself. A person who has this kind of community (Koinonia) is not only positioned for initial assessment, but there is a context in place for long-term, transformative growth.

If a test is your best option to accomplish what you are trying to do then I want to encourage you by letting you know that God has something for you that can blow your mind.

Caveat: When I speak of personality tests I am talking about tests that reveal your personality or your character. I am not talking about tests that seek to discover health, medical, or physical abnormalities.

Articles in this Series

• I’m Type A! I’m an Otter! I’m a Choleric! What Are You? – 1.0
• Otter-ology and other false continuums – 2.0
• Personality Tests & Psychology – 3.0
• When Testing Replaces Community – 4.0

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Free Counseling Advice via Twitter

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The proponents, who almost without exception love God, have their “verses” to support their claims. Sadly, what they do not understand is that there is only one point to any text and in the entire history of the church no person has interpreted a text to support their exegesis.

Scholars call this proof texting. This common method of teaching the Bible is not grounded in an understanding of what the various Bible writers actually taught. Proof texting, simply put, is compiling a short list of texts that support precisely what the person has already decided to believe.

It is also called “backing into a text.” This is when a person has a belief about something and they go into the Bible in order to find verses that somewhat point to what they believe.

I was first introduced to personality tests 30 years ago because of a desire to understand what makes me tick. And I liked what I read. I’m a Phleg/Mel btw.

There were many appealing aspects and compelling arguments about these kinds of tests.

• I wanted to be understood. (Not a bad desire to be known.)
• I wanted to understand myself. (The Bible appeals to us to look in the mirror. James 1:22-25)
• These new ways of thinking about myself were not only novel, but appealing. (That makes sense.)
• It “helped” me. (This is a weak argument, which usually points to pragmatism. You also have to unpack what “helped” means.)
• It seemed right. (But I must admit that I had a limited understanding and practice of biblical psychology.)

These reasons were compelling enough, though my life was not markedly better and there was still a measure of unrest in my soul. In hindsight I see that my limitations, as it pertained to my sanctification, were in proportion to my limitations in understanding biblical psychology. But in God’s kind mercy to me, He not only regenerated me, but He began to teach me a better psychology, from the greatest psychology book ever written.

Biblical Psychology & the Psychologist Defined

The word psychology is a compound word: psyche & logos. The word psyche means soul and the word logos means word or the study of. It could be said that the word psychology is the study of the soul or the word concerning the soul. A psychologist is a person who seeks to care for the soul. Psychology is the word derived from this definition: the study and practice of soul care.

The greatest psychologist who ever lived was Jesus Christ. It would be wrongheaded to say that somebody knew more about the soul than the One who created the soul. And the greatest psychology book ever written was the Bible. Therefore, my argument for the Bible is the same as my argument for the soul: if God created the Bible, then it would be wrongheaded to think there is a better book that explains man.

One of the bigger issues with these tests is that they are using the Bible to support their tests rather than using the Bible as the test. You see, the real, God-generated and God-ordained “personality tests” are contained in the Bible. The primary argument and very real problem is that we have a sufficiency of Scripture issue. This attack on God’s Word began in Genesis 3.

And it also smacks of an American-Christian-Centric-Biblical-Psychology.

1. Do you think Christians in other countries, who do not have access to these new tests, are at a disadvantage because all they have is the Bible?
2. Do you think you are better off by having these tests, as opposed to other American Christians who do not have this “advantage?”
3. Do you think these tests reveal more about you and get to the heart of who you really are better than the Bible does?
4. What weaknesses do you see in the Bible that make these tests desirable?
5. How do these tests, plus the Bible, help you live out the two greatest commandments, as outlined in Matthew 22:36-40? (I assume the goal in administering and/or taking these tests is to maximize your ability to live out the two greatest commandments. If not, then I would like to know what other purpose(s) are greater than the two greatest commandments.)

Articles in this Series

• I’m Type A! I’m an Otter! I’m a Choleric! What Are You? – 1.0
• Otter-ology and other false continuums – 2.0
• Personality Tests & Psychology – 3.0
• When Testing Replaces Community – 4.0

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Free Counseling Advice via Twitter

Free Counseling Advice via Weekly eBlast

Checkout Counseling Solution’s Membership Training Site

What You’re About to Read is NOT True: You are not a Light Pole Christian!

Therefore, you are a “Light Pole Christian.”

A Few Warnings for Light Pole Christians

You are not a Light Pole Christian - No, really…you’re not. I just made this assessment up. I was sitting in my dining room looking at the light pole in my cul-de-sac. For real! I made it all up. I was looking at the light pole and began to draw metaphoric conclusions from my observations.

It is tall and, thus, “straightforward.” The lights at the top are bright, hence the “generally happy” conclusion. Because it is tall, I figured I’d throw in something about “standing for truth.” Get it? Of course, I had to go to the negative side of the spectrum in order to have a balanced assessment. Therefore, stubborn and unrelenting were obvious conclusions. The “limit your possibilities” was a stroke of creativeness. It took an extra five minutes of thinking about the light pole to come up with this one. The light, you see, can only illuminate so far. If I have just described you then please know that you are NOT a Light Pole Christian.

Accurate descriptors do not make accurate conclusions - People who do not have a proper understanding of the Bible are easily duped into this kind of approach to understanding the soul. What they do not realize is that God has given us all that we need to know in order to live a godly life. (See 2 Peter 1:3) But sadly for these Christians, who sincerely desire to grow, rather than advancing in their understanding of the Bible, they easily latch onto our culture’s explanations of the soul.

Therefore, when they read what seems to be an accurate assessment of themselves (and it may be accurate btw) they attach “authority” to the person who provides the assessment because he accurately described them. And, by doing so, the Christian accepts their conclusions as well. Based on the power of persuasion, an insatiable craving to be figured out, and a desire to change, the Christian embraces the conclusion and begins his/her new identity as a “Light Pole Christian.”

It is not a broad jump to embrace my conclusions if you believe I have accurately described you. This is a false continuum. A false continuum is precisely what drives the ADD and ADHD analysis. Assessing a child subjectively for ADD, which is the only method for “assessing” ADD and giving the child a conclusion based on a secularist subjective assessment is highly questionable.

Human psychology is not a board game - Many times people who embrace pop psychology’s explanations for the soul share their newly found wisdom in giddy ways. I have heard many, who embrace this approach, share their “Otter-ology” with humor and light-heartedness. They do not seem to understand that the Savior was executed on a cruel cross in order to transform them from their old nature into a new person in Christ.

But for these novices, being an Otter, Golden Retriever, Sanguine, Phlegmatic, or Type A personality unwittingly sucks the power from the Gospel message. God killed His Son so we can be better than that. These kinds of assessments are not the biblical route to a transformed and transforming life. Neither do they offer the biblical hope found in the Gospel. But, even worse, it places the focus more on self than the Savior who died for them. All things considered, this is a mockery of the Gospel.

If any person is in Christ…

If you are “in Christ” can I persuade you to humbly seek to think more like Christ? Make much of Him. Make less of yourself. (John 3:30) Are you better known as Type A or Christ-centered? Are people more aware of the results of your personality assessment or God’s assessment of you?

Articles in this Series

• I’m Type A! I’m an Otter! I’m a Choleric! What Are You? – 1.0
• Otter-ology and other false continuums – 2.0
• Personality Tests & Psychology – 3.0
• When Testing Replaces Community – 4.0

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Paul gave us the good news regarding who we were and now who we are, post-regeneration:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. – 2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)

To be “in Christ” means that our old ways of living and thinking have passed away and a brand new way of thinking and living is our joy and privilege.

The Gospel is Too Simplified

I realize, that for many, Paul was overly simplistic in his way of looking at things, especially the “intricacies” of psychology. He essentially said the reason we do the things we do is fundamentally tied to our fallenness. Another way of saying it is that we are selfish and self-centered. It is not that hard to figure out. The most simplistic and cursory examination of my heart motives reveals this basic truth: I’m selfish and I need to change.

Over-examining my old ways of thinking and doing is not a biblically warranted or personally wise way to spend my time.

Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. – Ephesians 4:17-18 (ESV)

Fascinating Infatuation

Our culture is head-over-heels in love with themselves. And because of their “unresolvable” fallenness they have no choice but to recycle, regurgitate, and re-describe who they are and why they do what they do. They do not have an alternative plan. They are lost! They are trapped in their fallen natures with no hope of ever escaping, apart from Christ. And because they reject Christ they have to evolve their thinking into more and more nonsensical explanations of the soul.

However, Christians should not be so easily persuaded or intrigued by their sloppy psychology. The Christian’s fascination with this kind of pop psychology is mind-boggling to me. I can not recount how many times I have heard the expression “I am a Type A personality.”

When Christians say this, they are merely explaining, in a more sanitized way, why they do what they do. The term is so general that it tells me nothing about the person I want to serve. And to say you’re a choleric or otter or golden retriever is just as ambiguous and unhelpful.  Though Christians would be appalled to think that they are, in some way, excusing themselves from their sinful behavior by embracing this kind of philosophy of understanding the human soul, but rationalizing their “former selves” away is, in part, what they are doing.

Many times the comeback to using this kind of pop psychology approach is along the lines of, “I am so glad someone understands me. Now I know why I am this way.” Don’t you think God understands you and that he has given us his Word so that we can understand you?

Which Letter Are You?

I had a man tell me many years ago that he was a “Type A” personality. Essentially, he was telling me why he practices the art of husbandry the way he does. And since he was pulling letters out of the alphabet to describe himself I suggested that he pick two others. I said, “Why don’t you try a ‘Type JC personality?’”

He either did not get what I was saying or he did not want to change his behavior. It’s been 13 years since our encounter and he is still predominantly Type A rather than JC.

I believe there are two primary reasons people buy into pop psychology’s nonsensical labeling of the human personality:

1. We, like our culture, are generally self-absorbed and love to think about ourselves a lot. Our Zodiac signs, temperaments, and other ways to examine our personalities intrigue us. While some call it an advance in understanding the soul, it is really a distraction from the teaching of Scripture.
2. We are illiterate, to varying degrees, as it pertains to theology and the application of theology in our lives. We quite simply do not understand the biblical categories that describe the human condition, which prohibits us from understanding the human condition from a biblical perspective.

CAVEAT: I do realize, as far as employment is concerned, certain types of psychological testing can be valuable in order for an employer to have somewhat of an idea of who he is hiring. Other than that, it is just a winsome way to talk more about yourself.

Thoughtful Questions to Reflect On

1. How well are you at describing your sinfulness using biblical categories?
2. When you realize the sinful/biblical reasons for your sin, how does repentance play out in your life?
3. Do you spend more time looking back at who you were before Christ saved you or looking forward to who you are now that you are in Christ?
4. How does living in the daily good of the Gospel contribute to your progressive transformation into Christlikeness?
5. On your best day, do you see yourself as “in Christ?”
6. On your worst day, do you see yourself as “in Christ?”

Articles in this Series

• I’m Type A! I’m an Otter! I’m a Choleric! What Are You? – 1.0
• Otter-ology and other false continuums – 2.0
• Personality Tests & Psychology – 3.0
• When Testing Replaces Community – 4.0

Checkout some of our training videos on our YouTube Channel

Free Counseling Advice via Twitter

Free Counseling Advice via Weekly eBlast

Checkout Counseling Solution’s Membership Training Site

Seemingly all overweight studies say that Americans are mostly larger than they should be. I don’t think any of these reports are a big surprise to anyone. We are a fat culture. Here is a CDC stat:

• Percent of non-institutionalized adults age 20 years and over who are overweight or obese: 67% (’05-’06)
• Percent of non-institutionalized adults age 20 years and over who are obese: 34% (’05-’06)
• Percent of adolescents age 12-19 years who are overweight: 18% (’05-’06)
• Percent of children age 6-11 years who are overweight: 15% (’05-’06)
• Percent of children age 2-5 years who are overweight: 11% (’05-’06)

We love eating. We love our food. We love food so much that we seemingly have no regard for our current health or the long-term effect of poor eating choices and patterns. What we eat, why we eat, where we eat, and how we eat reveal a lot about ourselves. The what, why, where, and how reveal what we are passionate about. Habits reveal passions.

What Are You Passionate About?

David tells us in Psalm 42:1-2

As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?

Job said in 23:12

I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my portion of food.

What am I passionate or desperate for? What is the thing that I really want more than anything else? You could say that the answer to this question may be found in my day-timer, how I devote my time. The sad news is that as my soul dips throughout the week, I tend to reach for filler foods to bring some form of temporary satisfaction to my soul. Here are a few ways I am tempted to go for “fast (soul altering) food” instead of the real meat that only God can provide:

Television Instead of Quiet Time: TV can easily become filler time. When I really need to be talking to God, I am tempted to turn the TV on and let it talk to me. Rather than me pursuing God, I am tempted to let the world of TV feed my soul. The word “amusement” means “without the mind.” The “a” negates the succeeding word, which is the word “muse” or “mind.” Therefore, the word amusement means to not use the mind. TV is not a passive process. You are not actively relaxing when you watch TV, but you are being actively engaged and shaped by the agenda of the program you are watching.

Facebook Instead of Relationship: I find that Facebook has been especially tempting in that it can offer a false sense of relational satisfaction. Facebook teases my craving for relationship, while keeping me from the potential risks that all real relationships can struggle with. I can engage virtually through Facebook instead of literally engaging another fallen human. Facebook is an excellent risk free filler food.

Self-Help Books Rather Than the Bible: The plethora of “solid” self-help books can slowly replace the need for the Bible. If my Bible plays second or third string to my other books, then I’m creating a distance between the ultimate “health food” and the filler food that has no real power for change.

Porn instead of Physical Intimacy: My body is not for me, but for my wife. However, if I take an anti-Gospel position on sex, then porn will be an easy temptation for me. Porn is for the selfish, lazy, and insecure man, who is not interested in giving, but taking. Rather than waiting, trusting, and going through the process of preparing real food, I choose a “quickie-fix” through the “Drive-Thru” world of the Internet.

1. How do you satisfy your desire for (1) Quiet time; (2) Relationship; (3) Bible; (4) Physical Intimacy?
2. What am I desperate for? What is the thing that I really want more than anything else? The answer to this question may be found in my day-timer, how I devote my time.
3. How often do I drink from the Word of God? How does the Word of God fit into my overall soul care solution?
4. What are my favorite filler-foods that replace my hunger for God? What are the precious things that I like to graze upon during my day?

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Man was wired for community, but as an un-regenerated man he is not participating in or benefiting from the right kind of community. However, if he realizes that his real communal breakdown is between him and God, then he will be on the right track to be restored in the way that God originally intended.

If he is not regenerated (born again), he will begin to seek out false lovers with the hope of finding satisfying relationships. These false lovers represent his attempts to fill the void he senses in his soul.

False or Unsatisfying Lovers

The following are some of the more common, man-centered ways in which man looks for love in all the wrong places:

Pornography is one of the more common false lovers that men twist themselves into, with the hope of satisfying their craving for love. Porn seems to be the “perfect” fit for the insecure person. It appears to be a safe way to pretend that he is something when, in reality, he knows he is not. It is a make believe world that the addict creates in his mind, to where he writes the script for the “cyber ladies” to perform for him. He becomes the center of his make believe world. It is his way of heaping love on himself. Many times porn is sought as relief from a critical and nagging wife or from an unforgiving and challenging world. It is a man’s haven where he feels and experiences love.

The girlfriend (or boyfriend) for the teen is our culture’s answer for “filling the void” or the missing piece in the soul. In too many cases, these relationships begin because the dad has not stepped up to the plate with an active role in the child’s life. As the child becomes a teen, he/she begins to drift from the hope of ever having a satisfying relationship with the dad and, thus, begins looking for his/her answer for meeting that desire for love through opposite gender relationships. Rarely does anyone know or admit what is really going on. The kid is looking for love in all the wrong places, but it is so common in our culture that to be against these artificial relationships is considered by many to be abnormal.

The job god is the trap for many men (and women) in our culture today. A person who has fallen into this trap typically is in a job that he can do very well. From all perspectives he is “successful” in what he does. He loves what he does and receives much applause and personal satisfaction from what he does. Typically the rest of his relational contexts are not as satisfying. Therefore, he is easily tempted to spend more and more time on the job. Of course, his life is out of balance: while he may be “successful” on the job, he would not receive such a high grade at home.

The Ministry is one of the more subtle areas of temptation for the approval-driven individual. The reason it is rarely discussed is because it seems so right to be doing the “Lord’s work.” However, you may be surprised at the number of women who are pursuing ministry related jobs as a way of off-setting a poor marriage or life-dominating insecurity. You can read more about this in my article The Darker Side of Jayne, the Ministry Mom. Alternately, there are an inordinate number of men, who are not “successful” in the world, but have found religion to be a ladder to climb in order to satisfy their lust for attention, approval or acceptance.

Application Questions

1. Do you look at porn on occasion? If yes, why do you do this? Will you get some help?
2. Can you walk away from your boyfriend or girlfriend? Why or why not?
3. Are ALL of your relational contexts personally satisfying? Or are you a “success” at work, but a “failure” at home?
4. Are your ministry aspirations more about serving others or satisfying your selfish ambition?

Other Articles in this Series

• We Have an Approval Drive – 1.0
• Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places – 2.0
• The Point and Purpose of Friendships – 3.0
• …but words will forever hurt me – 4.0

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Free Counseling Advice via Twitter

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