Jesus cursed the tree for “pretending” to be something it was not.

This begs the question: Am I a poser? At some level of course I am. The better question is how much of a gap is there between the person I really am on the inside and the person I present myself to be to others? And what am I doing about closing the gap?

Below are some application questions from our Sunday sermon. You can listen to the entire sermon here. Click on the 06.28.09 sermon by Chris Armfield.

Rick’s Application Questions & Thoughts

1. Humility run amuck: The ass thought the shouts and palm branches were for him rather than the Savior he carried.
2. How much is the gap between the person I really am and the person I present myself to be?
3. If God pulled up the curtain of my life, what would he see? What would others see? Who is the real me?
4. Do I have someone in my life who is willing to identify the real me for me so I don’t have to seep into the deception of believing in the artificial me?
5. The Savior does not kick me out of his family because of my hypocrisy. He gently reveals to me who I really am and then shows me a more authentic way of living.
6. God sets us free from ourselves so we can live a more authentic life, a truer life, a Christ life!
7. Dear Lord, help me not to like the person I present myself to be. Help me to like who you are and lead me into that kind of authentic life.
8. Dear Lord, I do not trust myself to remove my fake mask. Will you help me? Will you send a friend to help me?

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On Sex

1. What areas of your outside-the-bedroom-sex-life do you need to address?
2. What past, unresolved sin issues are impacting your sex life?
3. What needs to happen in order for you to be other-centered in your intimate relationship with your spouse?
4. Describe your dating relationship.

On Conflict

1. Are you surprised that you don’t always get along with your spouse? What things do you need to go to your spouse in order to seek resolution?
2. Are there any unresolved issues in your marriage that you have not forgiven your spouse?
3. Will you talk with your spouse about the hurt behind your anger?
4. What hurt are you unwilling to grant true, biblical forgiveness? Will you seek reconciliation today?

On Relationship

1. What have you drifted from or forgotten about, regarding your marriage, that you need to get back to? Will you ask someone to help you?
2. Do you see your marriage troubles as opportunities to trust God while working through the troubles or as situations that have no hope for change?
3. Are you a Christian? Ask your spouse to share with you their reasons why they believe you are a Christian.
4. What are similarities between your relationship with God and your spouse? E.g. Love, Affection, Impatience, Anger, Blame, etc.

On Oneness

1. What does honoring parents look like after you leave the home? What should it not look like? What areas do you need to change?
2. What does it really mean to you to really cleave to one another?
3. When was the last time you thanked God for your spouse? When was the last time your spouse heard you thank God for them? When was the last time your children heard you thank God for your spouse? What do you need to do to be more verbal about your affection for your spouse?
4. What are some of your weaknesses that your spouse fills in so well? Thank God for your spouse completing you.
5. How do you communicate to your spouse that he/she is a gift from God? Be practical in your thoughts and communication to your spouse. Do it now.

On Modeling

1. Was getting married a finish line for you or a starting line? What is your answer? What is the difference?
2. Do you love God more than anyone else? Do you love your spouse more than your kid(s)? (The answer to both questions should be a resounding ”YES.“)
3. What are you modeling to your kids that you need to change? Ask your spouse for suggestions.

On Maintaining

1. When was the last time you got away, just you and your spouse, to talk about your marriage? Make plans now for your next date night or mini-getaway.
2. Is your marriage moving toward oneness or drifting toward isolation? Why? What are you doing about it?
3. Do you accept & affirm your spouse when he/she (a) meets your expectations; (b) does not meet your expectations; (c) both “a” and “b”; (d) none of the above. What do you need to change?
4. Do you more than likely see & acknowledge your spouse’s (a) strengths; (b) or weaknesses; (c) neither?
5. Do you believe you are the most selfish person you know? If you answered “no” to this question, why?
6. Are you generally quick to speak and slow to listen or quick to listen and slow to speak?
7. What does your spouse do well? What do you need to work on? Make two lists now, one for what your spouse does well and one for what you need to work on.

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]]> http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/07/marriage-application-questions/feed/ 0 http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/02/marriage-application-questions-session-7-family-life-conference/ http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/02/marriage-application-questions-session-7-family-life-conference/#comments Sun, 03 May 2009 03:57:40 +0000 Rick Thomas http://competentcounseling.com/?p=4654 QUOTES
• “Which is correct: you want a great sex life? Work on your marriage. Or you want a great marriage? Work on your sex life.”
• “Sex is the crossroads of your life. All areas of personal difficulty tend to intersect in a person’s sex life.”
• “A selfish person will never be satisfied with his/her sex life.”
• “Dating is something you do to build companionship.”

APPLICATION QUESTIONS

1. What areas of your outside-the-bedroom-sex-life do you need to address?
2. What past, unresolved sin issues are impacting your sex life?
3. What needs to happen in order for you to be other-centered in your intimate relationship with your spouse?
4. Describe your dating relationship.

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]]> http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/02/marriage-application-questions-session-7-family-life-conference/feed/ 0 http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/02/marriage-application-questions-session-6-family-life-conference/ http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/02/marriage-application-questions-session-6-family-life-conference/#comments Sun, 03 May 2009 03:50:17 +0000 Rick Thomas http://competentcounseling.com/?p=4647 QUOTES
• “The goal regarding conflict is not to be conflict free, but to resolve conflict biblically.“
• ”Most unresolved conflict has more to do with a lack of forgiveness than a lack of asking for forgiveness.“
• ”Anger is an immature way to deal with hurts.“
• ”Conflict is a hurt that can go away. Unforgiveness is a hurt that will never go away.“

APPLICATION QUESTIONS

1. Are you surprised that you don’t always get along with your spouse? What things do you need to go to your spouse in order to seek resolution?
2. Are there any unresolved issues in your marriage that you have not forgiven your spouse?
3. Will you talk with your spouse about the hurt behind your anger?
4. What hurt are you unwilling to grant true, biblical forgiveness? Will you seek reconciliation today?

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]]> http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/02/marriage-application-questions-session-6-family-life-conference/feed/ 0 http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/02/marriage-application-questions-session-5-family-life-conference/ http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/02/marriage-application-questions-session-5-family-life-conference/#comments Sun, 03 May 2009 03:40:59 +0000 Rick Thomas http://competentcounseling.com/?p=4639 QUOTES
• “The message of the Bible is to help us get back to where we belong. Can we trust God’s GPS (Bible) to get us back to where we belong in our marriages?”
• “God did not offer us salvation so we would not experience anymore trouble. He offers salvation to give us hope and resources during our trials, as well as a home in heaven.”
• “Are you trying to fix your marriage without God?“
• ”Our relationship with God and our spouse are similar. Closeness is not compartmentalized. To love God is to love others. Not to love others is not to love God.”

APPLICATION QUESTIONS

1. What have you drifted from or forgotten about, regarding your marriage, that you need to get back to? Will you ask someone to help you?
2. Do you see your marriage troubles as opportunities to trust God while working through the troubles or as situations that have no hope for change?
3. Are you a Christian? Ask your spouse to share with you their reasons why they believe you are a Christian.
4. What are similarities between your relationship with God and your spouse? E.g. Love, Affection, Impatience, Anger, Blame, etc.

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]]> http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/02/marriage-application-questions-session-5-family-life-conference/feed/ 0 http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/02/marriage-application-questions-session-4-family-life-conference/ http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/02/marriage-application-questions-session-4-family-life-conference/#comments Sat, 02 May 2009 14:57:21 +0000 Rick Thomas http://competentcounseling.com/?p=4633 QUOTES
• ”Beware of over-dependence on your parents. Your spouse is your primary relationship.“
• A mom said to her new daughter-in-law: ”I have always been the #1 woman in my son’s life, but now you are the #1 woman in his life. I am #2. Welcome to the family!“
• ”As parents we need to be committed to helping our kids develop oneness in their marriages.”
• “Cut the ‘unbiblical’ cord. It is not biblical to stay dependent on dad and mom after marriage. Keep honoring them, but you need to leave.”
• “We must choose to receive our spouse as God’s perfect provision for us.”
• “Weaknesses are not justifications to reject your spouse. Do you see your spouse as a gift from God, the way Adam saw Eve?”

APPLICATION QUESTIONS

1. What does honoring parents look like after you leave the home? What should it not look like? What areas do you need to change?
2. What does it really mean to you to really cleave to one another?
3. When was the last time you thanked God for your spouse? When was the last time your spouse heard you thank God for them? When was the last time your children heard you thank God for your spouse? What do you need to do to be more verbal about your affection for your spouse?
4. What are some of your weaknesses that your spouse fills in so well? Thank God for your spouse completing you.
5. How do you communicate to your spouse that he/she is a gift from God? Be practical in your thoughts and communication to your spouse. Do it now.

More Application Questions

• Session One & Two
• Session Three

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]]> http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/02/marriage-application-questions-session-4-family-life-conference/feed/ 0 http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/02/marriage-application-questions-session-3-family-life-conference/ http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/02/marriage-application-questions-session-3-family-life-conference/#comments Sat, 02 May 2009 13:39:37 +0000 Rick Thomas http://competentcounseling.com/?p=4626

QUOTES

• ”When you leave one marriage for another marriage, it is just another starting line, no different than the last marriage.“
• ”When a kid knows you love your spouse more than you love them, they feel safe because they see, know and feel the unity between their parents.“
• ”Your kids are not listening to you, but they are absorbing you. Your modeling speaks louder than your words. Your number one responsibility as parents is to become the people you want our kids to be.“

APPLICATION QUESTIONS

1. Was getting married a finish line for you or a starting line? What is your answer? What is the difference?
2. Do you love God more than anyone else? Do you love your spouse more than your kid(s)? (The answer to both questions should be a resounding ”YES.“)
3. What are you modeling to your kids that you need to change? Ask your spouse for suggestions.

Click HERE to see questions from Sessions #1 & #2

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]]> http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/02/marriage-application-questions-session-3-family-life-conference/feed/ 0 http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/02/application-questions-for-your-marriage/ http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/02/application-questions-for-your-marriage/#comments Sat, 02 May 2009 04:15:37 +0000 Rick Thomas http://competentcounseling.com/?p=4605 This weekend Lucia and I are attending Family Life’s Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference. Friday night we had two sessions. Below are some application questions that I was thinking through as the speakers were giving their lectures. I thought they might serve you as well.

Let me encourage you to take some time with your spouse to work through these questions.

QUOTES

1. “A very selfish married man won two tickets to the Bahamas. So he decided to go twice.”
2. “Your tongue is a concealed weapon that can be used to hurt or heal.”

APPLICATION QUESTIONS

1. When was the last time you got away, just you and your spouse, to talk about your marriage? Make plans now for your next date night or mini-getaway.
2. Is your marriage moving toward oneness or drifting toward isolation? Why? What are you doing about it?
3. Do you accept & affirm your spouse when he/she (a) meets your expectations; (b) does not meet your expectations; (c) both “a” and “b”; (d) none of the above. What do you need to change?
4. Do you more than likely see & acknowledge your spouse’s (a) strengths; (b) or weaknesses; (c) neither?
5. Do you believe you are the most selfish person you know? If you answered “no” to this question, why?
6. Are you generally quick to speak and slow to listen or quick to listen and slow to speak?
7. What does your spouse do well? What do you need to work on? Make two lists now, one for what your spouse does well and one for what you need to work on.

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]]> http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/05/02/application-questions-for-your-marriage/feed/ 0 http://www.competentcounseling.com/2008/12/07/10-questions-for-friends/ http://www.competentcounseling.com/2008/12/07/10-questions-for-friends/#comments Sun, 07 Dec 2008 05:15:30 +0000 Rick Thomas http://christiancounseling.wordpress.com/?p=2122 Four Gospel-Centered, Gospel-Motivated Questions
1. How have you been affected by the Gospel today? This week? As you reflect on God’s kindness to you through the Cross of Christ how are you affected? (These are three questions rolled into one.)
2. What are God’s thoughts of you …from your perspective?
3. Would you say you are living and walking in the “Good of the Gospel” today? Why or why not?
4. What are your fears?

Six Practical Questions for Daily Living

1. How much time did you spend talking to God yesterday? This past week? When did you? What was the experience like? (Approximate you answer.)
2. What did you read, study, and/or memorize from the bible yesterday? This past week?
3. (The following question is not just about sex. It is about your specific weakness, your real temptation whatever that may be, e.g. Internet, Eating, Shopping, Friends, Children, Hobby, etc.) Did you look at any tempting websites, pictures, magazines, movies or any other media since we last met? If so, What? When? Why? What were the circumstances that were tempting you?
4. Did you [fill in the blank with whatever your temptation is, the thing you do that you know you should not do] since our last meeting? When? Why? What were the circumstances that were tempting you?
5. Did you procrastinate regarding something today? What about this past week? Why? What were you thinking?
6. Did you deceive others, lie, or lie about the answers to these questions? When? Why? How?
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]]> http://www.competentcounseling.com/2008/12/07/10-questions-for-friends/feed/ 1 http://www.competentcounseling.com/2008/08/22/great-evaluation-question-joy/ http://www.competentcounseling.com/2008/08/22/great-evaluation-question-joy/#comments Fri, 22 Aug 2008 04:15:41 +0000 Rick Thomas http://christiancounseling.wordpress.com/?p=531 On occasion, as I train counselors to counsel, I’m asked for good homework assignments or quality evaluation tools that will serve the folks they are counseling. Here is an excellent idea that I have found to be effective when discipling others. I trust it will serve you as well. Hebrews 13:17 tells us to:

Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.

Though there are many excellent points to be made from this verse, I want to draw your attention to the last sentence. There is an insightful question implied in this sentence, that you can not only apply to yourself, but also suggest that your friends apply as well. The question is, “Are you a joy?”

This X-Ray question is a wonderful way to diagnose your heart and life before others. The Hebrew writer is applying these thoughts to a person’s relationship to his local church. Let me ask it the way it is implied: Are you a joy to pastor?

Am I a joy to pastor?

This is a fantastic question for you to ask your pastor. And should you ask your pastor this question, then take it further. Ask him to give you specific areas in your life, where you have been a joy to pastor. But don’t stop there. Keep pressing the issue. Also ask him for specific areas in which you need to address or change. Can you imagine if your son came to you and asked you if he was a joy to parent? If so, then you can imagine how any pastor would feel if one of his congregants came and asked a similar question.

Let me press the application a bit further. Ask these questions if they apply:

• Ask your spouse if you are a joy to them. Why or why not?
• Ask your small group leader if you are a joy to serve, lead, teach and equip.
• Ask your children if you are joy to follow. Why or why not?
• Additionally, a child can ask a parent if they are a joy to parent.

Note the responses you get and share with a close friend. This should give you much to chat about.

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