An imperative is a word that demands personal attention or a required action that is unavoidable if a preferred outcome is to come to pass. According to God’s plan, sanctification cannot happen without the participation or cooperation of the individual who wants to change. The New Testament is full of imperatives that the believer is asked to respond to. Here are a few examples at the end of Ephesians 4:

• Put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life. – Ephesians 4:22 (ESV)
• Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths. – Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)
• Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another. Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)

Tim Keller gave us some wise counsel regarding the personal responsibility of the individual who is seeking change:

God’s mercy comes to us without conditions, but does not proceed without our cooperation. So too our aid must begin freely, regardless of the recipient’s merits. But our mercy must increasingly demand change or it is not really love. – Timothy J. Keller, The Motivation for Mercy, p. 93.

We Are Responsible to Change

The most effective part of a counseling session is typically outside the counseling session. I think some Christians can be tempted to think that if they can just get to counseling everything will be okay. And most certainly there are a lot of good things that can happen in a counseling session and there have been many times when God got majorly involved with an individual or couple during the counseling session.

But from my experience the best part and most important time in counseling happens after they leave the session. – Rick Thomas

It is outside the counseling session when opportunity knocks. This is so because it is the grind of our daily lives where we are called upon to respond to what God is doing and allowing into our lives. It is in the daily context of our lives that our real selves come out. This is where we can practically apply the grace that God offers to the real situations in our lives.

If a counselee does not do this then the counseling session will not be strong enough to push him/her over the top. Counseling is 60 to 120 minutes of guidance versus an entire week of living. That is impossible odds if it is expected for the counseling session alone to bring about change. The counselee has to pick up the pace, apply, and maintain what he learned in counseling after he walks out the door.

Do not quench the Spirit. – 1 Thessalonians 5:19 (ESV)

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. – Ephesians 4:30 (ESV)

1. If God’s grace is sufficient, which it is.
2. If God is able to change me, which He is.
3. If the Spirit is able to empower me to change, which He is.
4. If God’s Word is sufficient, which it is.

Then the big question is…

Why do I not change for my good and His glory?

Any discipler who has discipled for any length of time has asked the question above. If you want to change, you cannot “let go and let God.” You must step up to the plate and respond to God by responding to the counseling that is being offered. The old adage is,

You must put your money where your mouth is.

In the divine wisdom of God, He has put part of the “change responsibility” on you to make the necessary changes you need in order to glorify Him.

In This Series

• Five Ways to Change Your Ways: God – 1.0
• Five Ways to Change Your Ways: Bible – 2.0
• Five Ways to Change Your Ways: Self – 3.0

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In this series we’re looking at five ways in which a person changes his ways. In the first post I said that God is the true Agent of change. If you do change, then God is the One who ultimately changes you. Most assuredly all glory goes to Him. In the most technical sense He is the only One needed to change anyone.

However, to say that God is all you need is not completely accurate because, in the divine wisdom of God, He has chosen certain “means” (or instrumentations) of grace that are necessary for a person to change.

The Word of God Changes You

Since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God. – 1 Peter 1:23 (ESV)

One of those instrumentations of God’s grace to us is His incorruptible and empowering Word. Therefore, it would be accurate and appropriate to say, as Peter says here, the Word of God changes us.

So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ. – Romans 10:17 (ESV)

Our walk with God is a faith walk and the way we learn how to walk by faith is through the hearing of the Word of God. Our faith is informed by God’s Word and as we walk by faith, we experience more change.

The Word Concerning the Soul

The word psychology is a compound word: psyche & logos. The word psyche means soul and the word logos means word or the study of. It could be said that the word psychology is the study of the soul or the word concerning the soul.

In Genesis 2:7 we learn that God breathed into man and man was animated: he became a living soul. Therefore, God is the Creator of the soul. The soul (our psyche) did not come from evolutionary randomness. The soul came by the predetermined wisdom and action of God. He thought of the soul. He created the soul. He is the architect of the soul.

In 2 Timothy 3:16 we learn that God breathed again. This time he breathed into certain selected men, who he chose to write the Bible. These men were inspired by God to write the Words of God. In time the Words of God were put together in one edition. This is what we call the Bible.

1. The greatest psychologist who ever lived was Jesus Christ. No one knew (or knows) more about the soul than the One who created the soul.
2. The greatest psychology book ever written was the Bible. The Christian perspective and understanding on how change takes place us unique.
3. Therefore, a true psychologist is a person who seeks to bring God’s Word to bear on the soul.

The Word has Power to Change You

All Christians should be growing in their understanding and practice of soul care. We do this by growing in our understanding and practice of the Bible. The more we learn and apply the Bible to our lives, the more we will experience its life-changing power. And the more we experience its life-changing power, the more we will be positioned to bring the bible to bear on people’s lives so they can change too.

1. God will change you.
2. The Word of God will change you.

In This Series

• Five Ways to Change Your Ways: God – 1.0
• Five Ways to Change Your Ways: Bible – 2.0
• Five Ways to Change Your Ways: Self – 3.0

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You cannot talk about the Gospel and not talk about change. Change is an understood and expected component of the Gospel. When a man is introduced to and affected by the Gospel, change becomes his life-long companion. I’m not just talking about the life-long change that begins at regeneration, but a comprehensive change process that affects every area of his life.

In 1984 God regenerated me. I was building a life as a machinist in a machine shop in a small town in North Carolina. I had no idea how my life was going to change. God not only regenerated me (changed me spiritually, from death to life), but he did much more. He changed my dreams, affections, desires, hopes, and plans. He gave me a new worldview and new friends. He changed me academically, vocationally, and geographically. God took my world and flipped it upside down.

Back in the day the Jews really had a hard time with the idea of a world flipping over:

But the Jews were jealous, and taking some wicked men of the rabble, they formed a mob, set the city in an uproar, and attacked the house of Jason, seeking to bring them out to the crowd. And when they could not find them, they dragged Jason and some of the brothers before the city authorities, shouting, These men who have turned the world upside down have come here also. -Acts 17:5-6 (ESV)

You run with God and he will turn your world upside down

Rather than make fun of these Jews, I empathize with them. I understand the turmoil in their souls. If all you have ever known is being redefined, challenged, changed, and redirected, it can be more than you think you can possibly endure. God is a game-changer. Sadly, the Jews rejected God’s plans and persisted in doing things their own way. Though they were wrong, I understand.

I have said, out of ignorance, that if I had known how my life was going to unfold, prior to becoming a Christian, that I might not have become a Christian. Thankfully God requires us to live by faith, not by knowing the plans he has for us. (Job 23:8-10)

Though my life has had its share of challenges, I am okay with the twists and turns that God has kindly brought into my life. Because suffering is inevitable for all, I had much rather go through personal suffering with God leading the way than without God.

Change is here to stay

Truly, it is illogical to think that change is not here to stay. We all experience it. We all know we will experience more of it. Change is not the issue, since it is an unalterable part of all of our lives. The real issue is where we place our faith in those moments when we are faced with change. If our faith is in ourselves, then we will live in fear, comfort, and a desire to control our lives, as we resist what God is doing in and through us. If our faith is in God, then we will live in courage, blessing, and the expectant hope that God will do wondrous things in our lives.

Small group life is one of those areas where change can be uncomfortable. Just when you get in a relationship groove and everyone is bonding, change happens.

Several years ago I was asked to lead a small group because the group we were in was bursting at the seams. I was okay with leading a new group, but I didn’t want a particular person in my new small group. Guess what? He was not only in my group, but I was told we were going to meet at his house.

I found out later that he was okay with going to a new group, but he did not want to be in a group that I was leading. He did not particularly care for me and I didn’t particularly care for him. It is not  that we didn’t like each other. We were doing fine on a superficial level, but to put us in a small group where we were going to have to do life together, well that’s was pushing it too far.

Today I was thanking God for my friend as He reminded me of him. Back then God did a wonderful work in both of our hearts: we became very good friends. Though we are not in the same church anymore, he will text me from time to time and say, “Hey, I’m in town. You want to do lunch?”

If there is anyway possible I can rearrange my schedule, I’ll do it to meet with him. I like and respect this man a lot. And I thank God that God is patiently relentless in changing me.

Questions & Reflective Thoughts About Change

1. Share with your small group one way in which change came into your life. Talk about how you initially resisted the change and how you walked out repentance. Then share with your group how God blessed you and others with the change.
2. When you hear the word change, what goes through your mind? Do you think about how the Gospel implies change and, therefore, God is up to something for your good? Or do you think about self-protection and control because you do not trust God and the changes he is bringing about in your life?
3. What is one way you resist God as it pertains to the changes you do not like in your small group?
4. If you do resist change, why do you resist it?

In the Never Say Comfortable Series

1. Never Say Comfortable: Gospel-motivated uncomfortableness – 1.0
2. Never Say Comfortable: 10 ways to freak-out your small group – 2.0
3. Never Say Comfortable: change is here to stay – 3.0
4. Never Say Comfortable: the birthing process – 4.0

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Mailbag: In your last post on biblical decision making you said that I could not get out of my decision to be married? Did I hear you right, as in once married, always married to the same person? Does this apply to any decision I make? I mean, once I make a decision in faith am I bound to stick with that decision?

This is an excellent and discerning question. Fortunately the answer is not that complicated. Here are two simple truths that can guide you regarding your questions:

1. You stay with your decision if it is a biblical one.
2. It’s okay to change your mind as long as your new decision is biblically better and biblically permitted, because of new information that you didn’t have when you made the initial decision.

Here are three examples that will help unpack your question a bit further. The first example deals with your marriage question, while the other two examples pertain to being forever bound to any decision you make.

Example #1: You can change your mind if you stay within biblical bounds

To get married is a biblical, God-honoring decision, but there are three ways in which you can “change your mind” about being married. Death is the one “change” that you have no control over. The other two options that allow you to change your mind are abandonment and adultery as spelled out in 1 Corinthians 7 and Matthew 19. However, just because you may have biblical permission to leave your marriage, it does not mean you should leave your marriage.

Though Matthew 19 and 1 Corinthians 7 are part of God’s infallible Word, the greater point of God’s entire Word is reconciliation. From Genesis to Revelation, the purpose of God’s Word is God reconciling himself to man. Just because you may have an “out” it does not mean you have to take it. Nevertheless, under these three stipulations outlined in God’s Word, you can change your mind about your marriage.

Example #2: You can change your mind if you are in sin

If you choose to commit adultery for example, then to change your mind is not only preferable, but expected. In such a case you made a decision to sin and at some point afterwards you came to another (biblical) decision. You now have new information and this new information you believe is better than the past information. In such a case, you change your mind and begin living according to the new information.

Example #3: You can change your mind if there is new and better information

We make all kinds of decisions throughout our life. Typically, at the time we make a decision, it is made based on the information we possess. Later, based on new information we have or different circumstances, we decide that another course of action is the best course to take. Maybe you have received new or better counsel. Maybe there is new information and now you have come to a different awareness.

It may not have been sin to make the first decision, as opposed to example #2 above, but now you realize it would be better to change your mind. In such cases, it is not sin to change your mind. Though you were in faith before, you are no longer in faith to stay in the same place. You change your mind and move forward in a different direction, in faith.

Sanctification is Progressive

Changing our mind is part of our progressive sanctification. There are many things that I believed were right when God first regenerated me, but I have come to a different place in my faith today. For example, I’ve changed my mind on the type of bible I read, the clothes I wear, the music I listen to and the places I go. There are many more areas where I have changed my mind. Hopefully, this is what we call Christian maturity.

Other Related Articles

• The Most Important Question to Ask When Making a Decision – 1.0
• What Do You Cling to When Your Marriage Falls Apart? – 2.0
• Why is the Faith Question the Most Important Question to Ask When Making a Decision? – 3.0
• None of Us Have to Be Mr. Perfect Regarding Our Faith. It’s Okay – 4.0
• I Think I Married the Wrong Person – 5.0
• Are you saying I can never change my mind? – 6.0
• How do I go about making a decision – 7.0
• What are some pitfalls when making a decision – 8.0

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If God’s grace is sufficient, which it is. If God is able to change me, which He is. If the Spirit can empower me to change, which He can. If God’s Word is sufficient, which it is. Then the big question is…

Why do I not change for my betterment and His glory? …if God is for me?

Any discipler who has discipled for any length of time has asked this question. Let’s be more specific: when I don’t change for the better, my wife has to ask this question: why not?

As we filter this question through the lens of Scripture we come up with at least two answers:

1. I am not a believer! – this is the obvious answer, but one that we might not assume to be an issue, particularly if you live in a Christian culture or the person you are serving is “christianized” or comes from a Christian family. And sometimes we ask the question, “Are you a Christian?” and get the expected positive response and quickly move on. Then when counseling bogs down we can forget to go back to this very important and foundational question to any counseling. A person’s salvation needs to be unpacked, not in a suspicious or condemning way, but in a caring and wise way. If God’s grace is sufficient then change should take place. And if change is not taking place in a person’s life then don’t dismiss the salvation question. Love them enough to ask them.
2. I have a specific sin (or sins) in my life! I’m stuck in some sin issue or pattern. I believe myself to be a Christian. I don’t struggle with the faith issue as it pertains to God regenerating me. However, I do have sin patterns as well as sinful episodes that repeat from time to time. And when I’m stuck on “no change” then I have to examine my heart to see what sinful morsel I’m still holding onto. It is there most certainly. I just need to be honest and humble enough to admit it. Additionally, there have been times where I have been frustrated because I can’t move forward due to the blinding strength of my sin. In those moments I need a friend to come alongside me and tell me the truth. Sometimes sin can lure us into blindness by our own volition.

It is rare for a person to come to me ready, willing and able to change. Being stuck is usually the reason they come to me in the first place. They are stuck and aren’t moving forward. In such cases I have to be courageous, full of grace and willing to unpack my friend, from my subjective perspective, to see if we can get to the bottom of their relationship with God and/or the subtleties of lingering sin.

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