Carol’s husband has been living in adultery for over five years. Recently she found a receipt in his wallet from a local bar. After some questions, a fight and a visit to the bar, Carol found out about the affair.
They now come to you for counseling.
Carol is angry, hurt and unforgiving. She can’t bring up the topic of their marriage without crying. She also admits she has a “nagging” problem and has rarely encouraged or shown respect to her husband during the fifteen years of their marriage.
You are now in a dilemma. Though Carol has been sinned against, she has contributed to the adultery her husband has been living in. You want to communicate to them that there are two problems in their marriage.
- Problem #2: Jim’s adultery
- Problem #1: Jim’s lack of biblical leadership prior to the adultery and Carol’s self-righteous attitude throughout their marriage. (There are other issues that could be listed in this category of “Problem #1, as you would imagine, but the point is that the adultery is a symptom to deeper problems.)
Application Questions
It is obvious Jim has messed up big time in his marriage. Not only has he committed adultery, but he has been a terrible husband prior to the adultery. He is willing to talk about these things, repent and turn his life around. However, Carol has contributed in a significant way to the demise of the marriage.
- At what point in the counseling do you bring up her sinfulness in the marriage?
- How do you balance and walk her through being sinned against versus her guilt that contributed to the adultery?
- How does the Gospel speak specifically and practically to her hurt and her guilt?
- What do you think is at the core of her self-righteous, arrogant attitude that motivates her be a discourager to her husband?
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