Recently I had the privilege to serve a couple who is going through some marriage difficulty. Typically after I meet with someone I follow up, either the same day or the following day.
There is much discussed in counseling and it is challenging for my friends to remember everything I said. I’ve found email to have wonderful redemptive purposes in the lives of the people I serve.
Here are actual counseling notes taken by a counselor-in-training of one of my sessions.
And the following is a typical email I send for follow-up. I do not do “cookie cutter” emails; they are sculpted to the folks I serve. This email has been flattened out to mask the identity of the couple I sent it to.
Email Follow-Up With Counselee
Dear Rex & Julie!
Thank you again for coming to counseling this morning. I am grateful to God you see the need and are willing to be humble, transparent and honest with where you guys truly are.
That is a huge step and though you may not know this, it is an unusual step. With most folks, you have to pry and plead to get to where we were this morning. In some ways, you are ahead of the game.
Below are some things I’d like for you to do, some of which we have already talked about.
1-Make an appointment, sooner than later, so we can gain some traction and fairly compete with the “166 hours of chaos vs. 2 two hours of order” You are only in counseling for two hours, but it will be 166 hours before we meet again, if we meet on a weekly basis. Many times the 166 hours swallows up the 2 hours of counseling.
2-I’d like for each one of you to make a LOG list according to Matthew 7:3-5 (the log-speck passage). Focus, focus, focus on your own sin, shortcomings, inconsistencies, failures or whatever you want to call it, in the marriage. Make the LOG list long.
As you think about your LOG; jot it down. Carry a pad around if necessary. There is no pressing need to show it to your spouse at this time; unless you want to, and want to confess and receive forgiveness for your sins against your spouse. But minimally, make a list.
You will never be able to resolve conflict until you do this. And bring it to our next session.
3-Make another list; but this time make the list regarding your spouse. This is a GRACE list. Identify the many qualities, traits, blessings, kindnesses and other good things you like or have seen or know about your spouse. Make it long.
Humble yourself, remembering that God gives grace to the humble. Read James 4:6.
4-Listen to this message called Cravings and Conflict. It is a lesson from James 4:1-2. We looked at this passage this morning.
5-Read these three articles on how to motivate someone to change. This is where I was talking to you about how my son asks me each evening at dinner, “Who did you catch today, daddy?” Romans 2:4 says we encourage one another to change through kindness, rather than try to get them to change by criticism, negativism, shame or guilt. Here are the posts, I Caught You…Again.
6-Read these posts on ANGER.
7-Take time this week to scroll through my blog. Please do this. There are over 400 counseling posts on this blog. They are there to serve you. This will be like taking your counselor home with you. These posts will help to re-orient your thinking.
The magic hour in counseling is not in counseling, but in the time you invest in your home and marriage in-between our counseling sessions.
Please email me with any concerns or questions you may have. Let me serve you. Please put personal effort into this.
Much love and respect to you guys!
Rick
Related Articles
- A Note From a Reader
- A Counseling Case Report Form turned in by a Counselor-in-Training
- Post-Counseling Follow-Up Email, After the Counseling Session
- Actual Notes from a Counseling Session
Checkout some of our training videos on our YouTube Channel
