This is a true story. The name has been changed, but the circumstances have not. I have “Jean’s” permission to share her story.
From the previous post: Then it crystallized in my mind. Jean just gave me the theological clue to the mystery that was motivating her to kill herself. She was almost thinking with theological precision–I can’t believe God would save me–but instead of thanking God for the good news, Jean was not believing the Gospel. Jean is self-righteous. That was the clue!
Jean said that she could not believe that God would save her. When most Christians say this, it means they realize how bad they were before God and how incredibly thankful they are that he would save them.
Jean did not think this way. She is not a grateful person. When she said she could not believe that God saved her, she was more focused on her sin than God’s saving grace. She was “problem-centered” rather than “Cross-centered.” Jean is more amazed at what she has done than what Christ has done. In short, Jean has a high view of herself.
Paul saw himself as the chief or foremost of all the sinners, but it did not lead him to depression or despair. It led him to the Cross, where God showed mercy to him. For Paul, he never got over the fact that God regenerated him. Paul was a grateful man. 1 Timothy 1:15-16; 1 Corinthians 2:2.
For Jean, she has not gotten over the facts of the wicked things she has done in her life. Paul’s theology led him to exuberant gratitude. Jean’s theology has led her to depression and thoughts of killing herself. Paul turned outward and other centered while Jean turned inward and self-centered.
A seemingly lose-lose situation
One of the tougher situations in counseling is how to bring difficult truth to a person who is hurting. Sometimes you can’t say what you are thinking because it might be received wrongly or adversely affect the counselee. There are two tensions that the counselor must grapple with when having to bring difficult truth to a person:
- The counselor can cave to the fear of man, by not communicating the truth.
- The counselor can communicate the truth harshly and without compassion.
In such cases, the counselor must build a bridge with the person he is serving in order to communicate the truth of God’s Word. The better the bridge built, the more challenging the truth that he can convey. Therefore, the best counseling is done in the context of sustained, biblical relationships.
Jean represents one such counseling situation. She is hurting, but the pain she is in is because of wrong thinking and behaving. Therefore, she needs to be served by communicating the truth of God’s Word in the context of love, hope and care. But how do you tell a person, who already has a high view of herself that she is wrong?
Articles in this series
Related Articles on the Dangers of Self-Esteem
- Loving Me: The Hidden Agenda of Self-Esteem, 1.0
- To Lower Your Self-Esteem is Good, 2.0
- Self-Esteem & the Tale of Ugly Betty, 3.0
- The End of the Road for High Self-Esteem is Suicide, 4.0
- Case Study: Sally’s Search for Self-Esteem, 5.0
- Did J. B. & Paul Struggle with Self-Worth, 6.0
Related Articles on Big Sinners vs. Little Sinners
- Problem: Big Sinners vs. Little Sinners – 1.0
- Churches with Big Sinners & Little Sinners – 2.0
- Adult Sinners with Big Problems – 3.0
- Acknowledged Sinners with Inexpressible Gratitude – 4.0
- Big Sinners, Little Sinners & the Worst Sinners – 5.0
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R. H. said, Good stuff….although i wouldn’t be conclusive regarding the thorn or thorns in Paul’s side…. Characteristics of depression may be derived from Paul’s exortations. Certainly depression can very well be relieved by the reality of His Grace…Thank God.