This is a true story. The name has been changed, but the circumstances have not. I have “Jean’s” permission to share her story.
Jean picked up the phone and started calling people at random. Somehow she had my number. She said she did not know why she was calling, but felt as though she should. She began to tell me her story. Jean was at the end of a very difficult and frustrating life. She had “tried God” and he didn’t work for her.
The plans for her death were mapped out. The notes were written and the loose ends were tied. There was nothing else to do, but take her life. But before she took that step, she thought she’d make one more phone call. She called me.
She came to my office that day. We met, talked and mapped out another plan. She had little faith for what I was telling her, but was willing to give it a try. I gave her some hope, along with a couple of homework assignments and set-up a time to meet her one week later. We have been meeting each week since.
Jean is progressing. She is not “out of the woods” of her despair, but she is doing better. I have set her up with a female counselor friend of mine and she is now meeting with her on one day and me on another day.
At a recent meeting, Jean told me that she could not believe that God had saved her. She became a Christian about 20 years ago. On the surface, as I listened to her, I thought this was a perfect and wonderful understanding of who she was before God intervened and how he graciously came to her to save her. However, she was in despair, depression, and was thinking about killing herself. As she was talking, I was thinking to myself,
“If she understands the Gospel, as articulated by what she just said, then why is the Gospel not working for her? I, too, am amazed that God would regenerate anyone, but especially me. But instead of despairing about the Good News, it motivates me toward inexpressible gratitude and joy for this wonderful gift. But Jean is not affected this way. Why not?”
Then it crystallized in my mind. Jean just gave me the theological clue to the mystery that was motivating her to kill herself. She was almost thinking with theological precision–I can’t believe God would save me–but instead of thanking God for the good news, Jean was not believing the Gospel. Jean is self-righteous. That was the clue!
From my conversations with Jean, I wrote the “related articles” below. I will continue the rest of Jean’s story this week.
Articles in this series
Related Articles on Big Sinners vs. Little Sinners
- Problem: Big Sinners vs. Little Sinners – 1.0
- Churches with Big Sinners & Little Sinners – 2.0
- Adult Sinners with Big Problems – 3.0
- Acknowledged Sinners with Inexpressible Gratitude – 4.0
- Big Sinners, Little Sinners & the Worst Sinners – 5.0
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