Suzy’s thoughts about herself swirled around her … all the time. Her mind was an endless loop of self-thought.
- She wondered what people thought.
- She would tell you what people thought.
- She carefully measured her words.
- She feared wearing the wrong clothes.
- You would never see her without make-up.
- And on and on and on into the entangling maze of painful self-awareness she went.
She was preoccupied with how she came across to others. Whenever she would leave a social gathering she would go into her mind-reading routine: assuming the thoughts of others about her. Her carefully constructed and often wrong interpretations only led her to more despair. Though Suzy would be mortified to know, people rarely gave her much thought at all. They were far too busy with their own lives to think about her.
Her First Counseling Session
During her first counseling session, her counselor told Suzy that she suffered from low self-esteem. He attempted to motivate her to think more highly of herself, but was unwittingly leading her into an inescapable trap. Her mind was already consumed with herself and the counselor was pressing her back into herself to think more about herself.
And the more Suzy pressed into her inner conflict in an attempt to wrap positive mental attitudinal thoughts around her self-loathing, the more inward and awkward she became. Her social awkwardness only affirmed what she already believed about herself: that she was exactly what she always thought others thought of her.
As the weeks went by Suzy became more exasperated, exhausted and isolated from her world. Though she was functioning at a certain level in her world, she had mentally checked out of her world, choosing to live by rote.
The End of the Road
Three months after her initial counseling session, Suzy committed suicide. The report in the paper said that Suzy suffered from low self-esteem. In reality Suzy suffered from the blinding and penetrating force of high self-esteem. Her thoughts of herself were off the high-end of the chart. Mentally, she had isolated herself from her community and became a twisted, self-absorbed, irritable person, who found no reason to live. She inevitably turned so far inward that there seemed to be no hope from her perspective.
Unfortunately for Suzy, she was looking in the wrong direction. A person who embraces the high self-esteem paradigm will run headlong into the trap of insatiable individualism as they try to elevate themselves to a dangerous level of self-awareness.
Look Up, Not In
Suzy needed to look outside of herself in order to rest in the reality of the One who is far superior. Christ is the answer for inner contentment and outer significance. To be in Christ is to be all you can be, which is the best you can be.
Jesus came to rescue us from ourselves, not to turn us into ourselves. Looking inward to elevate our estimation of ourselves will lead to destruction. Suzy attempted to self-talk her way into attaining the unattainable height of all that she could be and was found wanting. From her perspective there was no reason to live.
She thought she was heading for the light. In actuality, she was self-deceived while enslaving herself, as she walked headlong into the darkness of her inner turmoil. She was never told about a Savior, who came to set the captives free.
Then Jesus told his disciples, If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. -The Savior in Matthew 16:24-25
Related Articles
- Loving Me: The Hidden Agenda of Self-Esteem, 1.0
- To Lower Your Self-Esteem is Good, 2.0
- Self-Esteem & the Tale of Ugly Betty, 3.0
- The End of the Road for High Self-Esteem is Suicide, 4.0
- Case Study: Sally’s Search for Self-Esteem, 5.0
- Did J. B. & Paul Struggle with Self-Worth, 6.0
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J. S. said, This is very good and oh so “spot on.”
M. K. said, How sad.
I’ve been talking with folks at church about the opposite of this also – feeling like we have no worth, even as genuine Christians. I realize some “Christian” psychologists use the concept of being “in Christ” as just a pseudonym for self esteem, but I am trying to figure out where the very real worth we have to God does fit in while counseling people who are despairing because they have lost sight of the fact that we are objects of His love and the apple of His eye.
C. W. said, Great post Sherry. I am going to find the time to read the other articles too.