Comments on: 13-Year Old Divorced 5 Times http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/10/02/13-year-old-divorced-5-times/ People Seeking Solutions Wed, 10 Mar 2010 22:03:47 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1-beta1 hourly 1 By: Rick Thomas http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/10/02/13-year-old-divorced-5-times/comment-page-1/#comment-1530 Rick Thomas Tue, 06 Oct 2009 02:39:07 +0000 http://www.competentcounseling.com/?p=10002#comment-1530 M. W. said, Sorry, I just wanted to say 13 is way too young to be dating. My wife and daughter went through a book called "Preparing your daughter for every young woman's battle" and I went through "Preparing your son for every young man's battle". We don't want our children going through the same battles we went through. God bless. M. W. said, Sorry, I just wanted to say 13 is way too young to be dating. My wife and daughter went through a book called “Preparing your daughter for every young woman’s battle” and I went through “Preparing your son for every young man’s battle”. We don’t want our children going through the same battles we went through. God bless.

]]> By: Rick Thomas http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/10/02/13-year-old-divorced-5-times/comment-page-1/#comment-1529 Rick Thomas Tue, 06 Oct 2009 02:38:49 +0000 http://www.competentcounseling.com/?p=10002#comment-1529 M. W. said, I'm sorry, Jenny does seem a bit young to be dating. But isn't dating the way to weed out the good flowers from the weeds. And I'm not talking about intimate dating, but what if the other seems wonderful but after awhile you see a dark side to them. Don't you want to discover this before you marry? Just my humble opinion. M. W. said, I’m sorry, Jenny does seem a bit young to be dating. But isn’t dating the way to weed out the good flowers from the weeds. And I’m not talking about intimate dating, but what if the other seems wonderful but after awhile you see a dark side to them. Don’t you want to discover this before you marry? Just my humble opinion.

]]> By: Rick Thomas http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/10/02/13-year-old-divorced-5-times/comment-page-1/#comment-1528 Rick Thomas Tue, 06 Oct 2009 02:38:17 +0000 http://www.competentcounseling.com/?p=10002#comment-1528 J. N. said, Thanks Rick, good thots. J. N. said, Thanks Rick, good thots.

]]> By: Rick Thomas http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/10/02/13-year-old-divorced-5-times/comment-page-1/#comment-1527 Rick Thomas Tue, 06 Oct 2009 02:37:48 +0000 http://www.competentcounseling.com/?p=10002#comment-1527 A. J. said, I tried to tell this to Maris while we were "dating". "There is only Married and Unmarried in my book". Didn't work. Maybe we should go back to arranged marriages? A. J. said, I tried to tell this to Maris while we were “dating”. “There is only Married and Unmarried in my book”. Didn’t work. Maybe we should go back to arranged marriages?

]]> By: Rick Thomas http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/10/02/13-year-old-divorced-5-times/comment-page-1/#comment-1514 Rick Thomas Sat, 03 Oct 2009 01:21:27 +0000 http://www.competentcounseling.com/?p=10002#comment-1514 J. S. said, It's not very complicated. (1) dating is not needed to "realign a persons perception with reality." Interacting socially with siblings, friends and parents sets that well. Don't need dating to see that "nobody's perfect"...just family. LOL (2) the debate over parents having "ultimate veto power" over children's marriage is missing the point. If we as parents haven't shepherded our kids' hearts such that they choose a Godly spouse, then the horse is out of the barn, my friend. J. S. said, It’s not very complicated. (1) dating is not needed to “realign a persons perception with reality.” Interacting socially with siblings, friends and parents sets that well. Don’t need dating to see that “nobody’s perfect”…just family. LOL (2) the debate over parents having “ultimate veto power” over children’s marriage is missing the point. If we as parents haven’t shepherded our kids’ hearts such that they choose a Godly spouse, then the horse is out of the barn, my friend.

]]> By: Rick Thomas http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/10/02/13-year-old-divorced-5-times/comment-page-1/#comment-1513 Rick Thomas Fri, 02 Oct 2009 20:01:52 +0000 http://www.competentcounseling.com/?p=10002#comment-1513 A. S. said, Paul, great question. I think if the relationship between a parent and child is such that "veto" even comes into play there is something desperately wrong. It is very much analogous to marriage. Should the husband have ultimate "veto power" over the wife? This is not a biblical category. I do think each of us should have a healthy mistrust of our own perceptions. Each of us should have some mechanism(s) for guarding against our natural tendency to self-deception. Up until the time a child is married, from a biblical perspective (repeated countless times) the primary mechanism God has provided, ideally, is parents. A. S. said, Paul, great question. I think if the relationship between a parent and child is such that “veto” even comes into play there is something desperately wrong. It is very much analogous to marriage. Should the husband have ultimate “veto power” over the wife? This is not a biblical category.

I do think each of us should have a healthy mistrust of our own perceptions. Each of us should have some mechanism(s) for guarding against our natural tendency to self-deception. Up until the time a child is married, from a biblical perspective (repeated countless times) the primary mechanism God has provided, ideally, is parents.

]]> By: Rick Thomas http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/10/02/13-year-old-divorced-5-times/comment-page-1/#comment-1512 Rick Thomas Fri, 02 Oct 2009 20:01:30 +0000 http://www.competentcounseling.com/?p=10002#comment-1512 P. H. said, Of course parents need to be involved and input wisdom in a child's life, yet a person still needs to experience life for themselves. The idea of courtship applies an inordinate amount of control over the child's life that carries over to adulthood and sets up an elevated potential for psychological and spiritual abuse. Everything could turn out great. Of course not every person who owned a Ford Pinto died a fiery death. It's just a bad idea that needs to be removed from our society in the same what that arranged marriages and polygamy were removed. P. H. said, Of course parents need to be involved and input wisdom in a child’s life, yet a person still needs to experience life for themselves. The idea of courtship applies an inordinate amount of control over the child’s life that carries over to adulthood and sets up an elevated potential for psychological and spiritual abuse. Everything could turn out great. Of course not every person who owned a Ford Pinto died a fiery death.

It’s just a bad idea that needs to be removed from our society in the same what that arranged marriages and polygamy were removed.

]]> By: Rick Thomas http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/10/02/13-year-old-divorced-5-times/comment-page-1/#comment-1511 Rick Thomas Fri, 02 Oct 2009 20:01:08 +0000 http://www.competentcounseling.com/?p=10002#comment-1511 G. Z. said, I don't think that is Allan's point entirely Paul, but I know in my own life my parents knew what I needed far better than I did. I was 26 out on my own and I still went to them for their blessing to marry and they said they could not bless that relationship. I ended up breaking off the engagement and am very greatful I did. I am not a parent, but I think as a general rule parents know what is good for their children and no matter what it seems like at the time they only have our best interest at heart. G. Z. said, I don’t think that is Allan’s point entirely Paul, but I know in my own life my parents knew what I needed far better than I did. I was 26 out on my own and I still went to them for their blessing to marry and they said they could not bless that relationship. I ended up breaking off the engagement and am very greatful I did. I am not a parent, but I think as a general rule parents know what is good for their children and no matter what it seems like at the time they only have our best interest at heart.

]]> By: Rick Thomas http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/10/02/13-year-old-divorced-5-times/comment-page-1/#comment-1510 Rick Thomas Fri, 02 Oct 2009 19:59:59 +0000 http://www.competentcounseling.com/?p=10002#comment-1510 S. C. said, Thumbs up for "courting". My daughter is 14 and has NEVER dated and doesn't want to, she believes in waiting for God's Best. We are very proud of her !! You are right though, it starts with the parents. S. C. said, Thumbs up for “courting”. My daughter is 14 and has NEVER dated and doesn’t want to, she believes in waiting for God’s Best. We are very proud of her !! You are right though, it starts with the parents.

]]> By: Rick Thomas http://www.competentcounseling.com/2009/10/02/13-year-old-divorced-5-times/comment-page-1/#comment-1509 Rick Thomas Fri, 02 Oct 2009 19:54:39 +0000 http://www.competentcounseling.com/?p=10002#comment-1509 C. W. said, interesting... I thought it was an article about divorced parents and how it affect the child. The older I get and the younger kids get (ha ha), the more I see the need to set your sights above. Pray for me as I counsel my 11 year old neighbor girl as she enters this stage of boys in middle school. My heart is so heavy for her purity. C. W. said, interesting… I thought it was an article about divorced parents and how it affect the child. The older I get and the younger kids get (ha ha), the more I see the need to set your sights above. Pray for me as I counsel my 11 year old neighbor girl as she enters this stage of boys in middle school. My heart is so heavy for her purity.

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