Recently I had a conversation with a client and the issue of lying came up. I mentioned to them that lying is a normal part of my profession. This is a sad, but true statement. After our conversation I began to reflect on what I said and it dawned on me in a very real way that lying IS part of my profession.
Honestly, I’ve never thought much about lying as being part of my business. But it is! I am lied to nearly every day and most certainly many times during the week. Then I thought, “Nobody seems to talk about this.”
I don’t hear a lot about lying and counseling. And I certainly don’t think a lot about lying and counseling.
And it didn’t really dawn on me until I began to reflect on what I told my friend. Historically, I’ve just accepted it as part of what I do and moved on. In one sense it is not a big deal.
What are some of the lies?
Well it typically begins at the beginning of a counseling session while I’m searching to discover as many details about the past and current life of the folks I serve. In many cases my friends do not come “completely clean.” (There have been a few people over the years who have come to me in humility and bore all. In such cases the counseling process is not as difficult. Truly, God gives grace to the humble.)
However, in other situations I’ve had to prod, ask, poke, seek, re-ask, search, discover and keep pressing into my client, because in many cases they do not want to come clean with all that is going on in their life. On some occasions we have gotten three or more weeks in counseling and then they tell me something that I didn’t know. It is something they had been holding back. And the thing they tell me has a huge effect on the counseling process.
I then ask them why they didn’t tell me in the beginning and they usually say they were embarrassed to tell me, so they spun it, twisted it or simply avoided it. In essence they were lying.
Articles in this series
- Counseling is a Lying Profession
- What is Lying Anyway?
- Why do we lie?
- Lying Reveals My Struggle With God
- Three Reasons I Don’t Trust God
- The Main Solution for Lying
A couple of things: A person goes to a counselor because they recognize something is wrong that requires outside help. There is some humility in that. Maybe no more than a seagull perched on the tip of an iceberg of pride, but it is a starting point. For those who “came clean”, I wonder if it either was not 100% or that very little of your expertise was subsequently required. They were “easy cases”.
Eph 4 speaks of a heart corrupted through “deceitful desires”. The scariest part of Jer 17:9 is the “who can know it” at the end. No one, not even the counsellor but especially not the person himself, knows how deceitful the heart is. Self-deceit is lying to yourself so yes, lying is prevalent in counselees. Maybe lying is seldom discussed because it is so assumed; it is the default mode.
I imagine I’m reading too much into this, but I sense perhaps a little sentiment of frustration that people who bother coming to an exigent spiritual center are actually spiritually sick. If people were 100% honest DURING counselling, they probably wouldn’t need to come in the first place. Pharisees never came to Jesus for help. They came for other reasons, but not for help. If I’m truly honest about the deceitful, lying nature of my own heart, it should come as less of a surprise that others suffer from the same malady.
Deceit is prevalent, unfortunately, in all of life. Perhaps it is because we are more like the Father of Lies than we want to admit, or perhaps it is because it was a lie from Satan’s mouth gave the great push on humanity into original sin. Who knows? One thing that is certain is that lying is common, and somewhat accepted as the norm in society. This is sad.
I teach a college level business ethics class, and one of the major ethical issues we deal with in almost every case we study is the avoidance of “truth telling.” Why can we not be completely honest? Why is it that telling the truth brings great fear, causing us to feel the need to spin “it”, make “it” more palatable? I do not have the answers. But I did challenge my student to think about this in their own lives. I challenged them to go 48 hours without deceiving others in any way–not even the slightest (ie–no spinning, no 1/2 truths–which are whole lies by the way!, no shading the truth). I extend the challenge to anyone who reads this blog as well. Try it and perhaps (if God is gracious) you will get a glimpse of the deception that is in your own heart.
Identifying the fact that we all sin in the way, should drive us to the cross–for repentance. To become aware of my sin is a gift–and an gift that is given for one reason–repentance. Lest we forget, we cannot walk the path of Truth and Righteousness in human strength. Jesus is the Truth. When we believe the gospel, put to death the deeds of the flesh, and walk in the good works that God has prepared before hand that we should walk in them–this is a walk that is done by FAITH and empowered by the Spirit. Truth telling I suspect, will not be achieved apart from a transformed heart that is empowered and spurred on to good works by the Spirit. Grant us Grace!
Excellent subject Rick! I look forward to reading the daily posts regarding this spiritual issue.