I’ve prayed for God to begin a work in my heart about the way I interact with my children. By grace, my husband and I been able to organize a group to hold us accountable to change.

A few things happened yesterday that began this thought process for me, and I’d like to share them as a testimony of God’s goodness, my sin, and perhaps as a motivation for some.

My kids and I were cleaning the house yesterday morning, preparing for our small group. My daughter, though very obedient in her response to my requests, was taking far too much time, in my opinion, to complete the task, so I urged her to work more quickly. After a few minutes, I noticed her lagging again, and I sat her down for a chat (she’s 7). I was discussing with her that our family had set this day aside in order to serve our friends by making our home comfortable for them to come and worship with us, and that part of that was cleaning up, and doing it quickly and with a joyful attitude.

While the words were coming out of my mouth, I realized that those words were meant for me to hear, too. I was thankful for them and shared that with my daughter. I had not had a joyful attitude and I was not serving, I was seeking to be served. I’m praising God that I didn’t reprove her and remain blind to my own sin. I prayed with her that He would give us grace to serve with joy together. We went back to our cleaning, I put on some praise music, and we sang praises and worked hard. Isn’t that a miracle?!?

After a little while, we took a break and I went to the bathroom. While I was in there, I heard my son yelling at my youngest daughter in anger. Without any thought, I yelled across the house angrily, “ISAAC, YOU ARE SINNING AGAINST YOUR SISTER!! STOP IT, NOW!!”

Immediately after those words escaped me, I realized that I had beautifully displayed my hypocrisy. Again, I am praising God that my response was a prayer of repentance resulting in another confessional conversation, this time with my son (he’s 4). This also is a miracle!

Later in the evening a friend was sharing that she struggles with anger toward her children, and at times is unable to deal with their sin because she’s so angry she can’t speak, so she doesn’t, but it makes her feel inadequate as a parent.

I remembered another friend sharing with me a few years ago her memories of how her own mother, a “new-age” Catholic, dealt with the struggles of having nine children. She said that she would retreat to her room for a length of time often to practice new age therapies and whatever self-help method’s were “in” at the time. When she shared this with me, I had a couple of revalations.

First, I realized that mom’s do need somewhere to go, something to do in order to deal with the pressure of living with and being responsible for little sinners, and second, that it’s okay…even right at times, to leave your children’s sin un-dealt with for a time, in order to deal with your own sin. In other words, if my child’s sin causes anger or apathy or fear to rise up in my heart, there’s no command to correct their sin right at that very moment. But there is a command to correct mine. I realized that retreating to my room was an okay thing to do. But it must be an intentional retreat, and it must have a repentant focus. I would be blessed to know that my grown kids remembered that when I got stressed out when they were little, I retreated to my room to pray and meditate on Scripture.

I was able to share all of this with my friend last night. I’m not sure that she was encouraged by it, but even this morning, I am. God is answering my prayer, and I am very encouraged and very excited to move forward in this particular journey of repentance and walking in the light. 1 John 1:7 “But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.”