Have you ever been around a perfect person? If yes, what was it like? How do you feel hanging with someone who never sins?
I’ve been pondering this question as I examine my own heart when it comes to being self-disclosing to my most meaningful relationships.
I wonder how my daughters would feel if their dad never talked to them about his sin. I’m sure they have seen my sin on display. Some things you just can’t hide. But I wonder how not stating the obvious would hurt or confuse them.
It seems they would be confused. They are sinners and they are disciplined for their sin, but I don’t sin! Let’s imagine: What if I don’t confess my sin, don’t try to reconcile after I sin and don’t ask for forgiveness for my sin. One of the many enjoyable things I like about the Bible is that it is full of sinning sinners. That is not only cool, it is refreshing.
Imagine what it would be like if all the major players in the Bible never sinned. I think that would make you feel a bit odd, a bit different. You could possibly feel like, well…a sinner. The only sinner in the room. Personally, I would be discouraged if the Bible was full of perfect people. I would also be tempted to hide my sin. “I’m not going to trot my sin out in front of all these perfect people!”
But Rick? It seems counter-intuitive to let folks know I sin, especially if I want them to love and accept me. Don’t you think if I told them that I sinned and this is how I sinned that they may reject me? Don’t you think it would be better not to let them know I sin and maybe my “perfect” example would inspire them to do better?
I’m biting my tongue right now! No, I’m gonna say it anyway. That’s dumb! It is self-righteous, ignorant and profoundly dangerous to your family and friends.
Repeat after me: I am a sinner. I sin. This is one thing that I do best and often. I am a sinner.
Get comfortable with it, plan on it, make room for it and by all means let your spouse and children know you are not perfect. If you don’t you will spend the rest of your life regretting this major parenting failure.
But if I tell them I sin they won’t respect me! Let me let you in on a secret: THEY ALREADY KNOW YOU SIN!! Get over yourself. Be honest for the sake of Christ!
When you can openly talk about your sin there are many godly benefits that will come your way. Here is a short list:
Humility - Honesty - Integrity - Genuineness - Confession
Repentance - Forgiveness - Reconciliation - Transparency - Accountability
Freeing conscience - No more guilt - No more hypocrisy - Joy - Peace
I want to release you from the myth of perfection! Go ahead. Sit your kids down and let them know your struggles, how you sin and why you sin. Let them know that you are just like them. And then give them the real good news: Christ didn’t come for the perfect, but the sick. And the Gospel is for you and your kids. Now walk in the good of it as a saved, honest and transparent sinner.
Your children will be greatly relieved to know they live with an honest sinner. And it will teach them to be honest as well.
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Thanks for this liberating admonition! I remember the precise place I was when it dawned on me that my parents were not sinless. I was 11 or 12 and it was traumatizing. In God’s kindness, my young children’s readiness to forgive has been a gift making it easier for me to confess honestly my sin to them. The true reconciliation and restoration that come from honest confession are so much more satisfying than facades of deceit.
Praise God for the Holy Spirit’s collaborative work in His saints!!
He spews out truths toward me from the mouths (and fingers) of His children, that are the very truths I’ve been suprised to see working their way out of my own mouth and hands, and have been pondering. It is refreshing to witness the omnipresence of our Father as he uses you to speak to me. He does this with precision and boldness, and it catches my attention despite my apathy, and makes my heart come alive. He is good.
I’ve prayed for God to begin a work in my heart about the way I interact with my children. By grace, my husband and I been able to organize a group to hold us accountable to change.
A few things happened yesterday that began this thought process for me, and I’d like to share them as a testimony of God’s goodness, my sin, and perhaps as a motivation for some.
My kids and I were cleaning the house yesterday morning, preparing for our small group. My daughter, though very obedient in her response to my requests, was taking far too much time, in my opinion, to complete the task, so I urged her to work more quickly. After a few minutes, I noticed her lagging again, and I sat her down for a chat (she’s 7). I was discussing with her that our family had set this day aside in order to serve our friends by making our home comfortable for them to come and worship with us, and that part of that was cleaning up, and doing it quickly and with a joyful attitude.
While the words were coming out of my mouth, I realized that those words were meant for me to hear, too. I was thankful for them and shared that with my daughter. I had not had a joyful attitude and I was not serving, I was seeking to be served. I’m praising God that I didn’t reprove her and remain blind to my own sin. I prayed with her that He would give us grace to serve with joy together. We went back to our cleaning, I put on some praise music, and we sang praises and worked hard. Isn’t that a miracle?!?
After a little while, we took a break and I went to the bathroom. While I was in there, I heard my son yelling at my youngest daughter in anger. Without any thought, I yelled across the house angrily, “ISAAC, YOU ARE SINNING AGAINST YOUR SISTER!! STOP IT, NOW!!”
Immediately after those words escaped me, I realized that I had beautifully displayed my hypocrisy. Again, I am praising God that my response was a prayer of repentance resulting in another confessional conversation, this time with my son (he’s 4). This also is a miracle!
Later in the evening a friend was sharing that she struggles with anger toward her children, and at times is unable to deal with their sin because she’s so angry she can’t speak, so she doesn’t, but it makes her feel inadequate as a parent.
I remembered another friend sharing with me a few years ago her memories of how her own mother, a “new-age” Catholic, dealt with the struggles of having nine children. She said that she would retreat to her room for a length of time often to practice new age therapies and whatever self-help method’s were “in” at the time. When she shared this with me, I had a couple of revalations.
First, I realized that mom’s do need somewhere to go, something to do in order to deal with the pressure of living with and being responsible for little sinners, and second, that it’s okay…even right at times, to leave your children’s sin un-dealt with for a time, in order to deal with your own sin. In other words, if my child’s sin causes anger or apathy or fear to rise up in my heart, there’s no command to correct their sin right at that very moment. But there is a command to correct mine. I realized that retreating to my room was an okay thing to do. But it must be an intentional retreat, and it must have a repentant focus. I would be blessed to know that my grown kids remembered that when I got stressed out when they were little, I retreated to my room to pray and meditate on Scripture.
I was able to share all of this with my friend last night. I’m not sure that she was encouraged by it, but even this morning, I am. God is answering my prayer, and I am very encouraged and very excited to move forward in this particular journey of repentance and walking in the light. 1 John 1:7 “But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.”
Our Lord has helped me by impressing me with the truth that when I see my sin it is because the Holy Spirit has shown it to me and so seeing my sin is a cause to rejoice. My joy is in knowing that He, having shown me my sin, has taken the first step in helping me to someday overcome the sin. Further, I expect that when I die and all the sins of my life come to mind I won’t be afraid, but rather rejoicing that Christ has forgiven me for each and every one. I sometimes really celebrate the opportunity to tell a counselee about my sin and about how the Holy Spirit has shown it to me because then I have an opening to share my joy that there’s just no way I can lose because He is on my side!!