Thanks for the encouragement. I’m counseling a girl (25 years old) who has been struggling with eating disorders for about 15 years. It’s complicated in the sense that her story has many twists and turns and it’s “her story” which makes it unique. I mean, everybody has their story and I’m sure your friend has her own journey to how she got to where she is. But there are typically some common denominators with all people, and she more than likely would not be an exception.
One of the common denominators would be fear working at some level of her heart. People who have eating disorders are generally dealing with some kind of fear.
- Fear of rejection
- Fear of what others think
- Fear of God because they don’t really know him or are afraid of him or are angry with him
- Fear they won’t be accepted
This is a deeply theological issue. Only God can make us “fear not”.
Many times these things can be traced back relationally to the person’s relationship (or lack of) with her dad, particularly as a child. Many times the relationship feels “conditional” in that as long as I meet my dad’s expectations he will love me. Also if there has been more correction or abdication in the home instead of encouragement a girl can sense these feelings of inadequacy.
Of course our culture is programmed to prioritize how we look as paramount. So it is not a stretch to struggle with eating issues, particularly if acceptance issues have been made more important than necessary due to how we’ve been reared.
Ultimately the solution is found in acquainting or re-acquainting the person to God. God is good. God is kind. God is not mean. God is not requiring you to “hit the mark”. God only required perfection of his Son! And because of Christ’s perfection we have been rescued through the Gospel. God knew we couldn’t please him so he fixed it by sending his Son to “perform perfectly” and he accepted his performance, not ours. All we have to do is accept the Son’s performance by faith and we are perfectly accepted by God the Father. We don’t have to strive, wonder where we stand, fear failure or any other issue that places the focus on us rather than Christ’s finished work.
Also I would check with my friend Elyse Fitzpatrick if I were you. She has written extensively on the subject. You can find her site here: Elyse Fitzpatrick Books
Elyse also has a website: Elyse Fitzpatrick Website
Thanks so much for the info!!! It’s tough because she is new to our congregation, and VERY guarded. I’ve tried to open the door for discussion, but not getting anywhere. We are praying that the Lord will convict her heart. But we are concerned that with the degeneration of her body, her mind is going too.
Have a great weekend.
Guarded would equal fear for sure. It sounds as though she is wrapped pretty tight with fear. I’m glad she is in your church. At least she is attending, which could mean she has not given up yet. Maybe she is searching, reaching out, looking and hoping. Typically these types of people are slow to “warm up” as they watch and gradually interact with you. Hopefully, she’ll warm up.
I think a big thing for her would be to see the modeling of the Gospel in your life and others. As she sees the hope (Read: joyful life) you have in Christ that it will appeal to her. I’d be careful about addressing her “SIN” because she could be like a person “with the world’s worst sunburn” and the more someone points out HER SIN the more she can be tempted to withdraw.
It is the “kindness of God that leads to repentance.” (Romans 2:4) She needs to be drawn, not withdrawn. This can come through providing a “picture” of something she is probably not familiar with, e.g. hope, joy, love, acceptance, warmth, care, kindness. Basically it is modeling the Gospel, i.e. what God showed us in Christ.
I am so aware of my sin and I daily find myself reflecting on His kindness to me. Why would God love me so much. It has a drawing power. Stunning!!
Anyway, I know you know all of this.
Thanks for loving her! Thanks for caring for her soul! I’m sure she’ll drop the guard a bit as she continues to see and experience your care for her.
Rick
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