Lucia and I are walking alongside six couples in our care group as we are working through Dave Harvey’s book, When Sinners Say, “I Do.” We are meeting in a “mini-care group” format: two couples, plus us, per grouping, which is three “mini-care groups” total. This allows us to focus in a smaller and more precise context on our marriages.
In prep for one of our meetings I read the following and thought you might benefit. Dave has provided us with some penetrating questions regarding our battle with self-righteousness…
- Am I self-confident that I see the supposed “facts” clearly?
- Am I quick to assign motives when I feel I’ve been wronged?
- Do I find it easy to build a case against someone that makes me seem right and him or her seem wrong?
- Do I ask questions with built-in assumptions I believe will be proven right? Or do I ask impartial questions–the kind that genuinely seek new information regardless of its implications for my preferred outcome?
- Am I overly concerned about who is to blame for something?
- Am I able to dismiss questions like these as irrelevant?
From pp. 91-92 of When Sinners Say, “I do.”
Self-righteousness is the motive and thought that I am better than you. This sin negates the gospel: if we are good at all then we have no need for Christ’s death. But if we believe there is none righteous (Rom. 3:10-12) then we not only set ourselves up for grace, but we will be able to work through all kinds of relational problems.
If I’m the worst sinner I know then it doesn’t really matter what you do to me. If I’m the worst sinner I know then I can approach you humbly, without any hint or measure of personal-righteousness, which will serve you well as we work through our problems together.
Dave said on page 91 that self-righteousness is a sense of moral superiority that appoints us a prosecutor of others people’s sinfulness. We relate to others as if we are incapable of the sins they commit.”
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